` Who said I was gonna live it up? it's all BS.

Mood: Irritated

Chewing: Wrigley's Extra Peppermint

Listening to: Killing Heidi - I Am

----------

lovelies~

Guess my year didn't start off with much of a bang.

I'm currently healing from bruises to my arms, legs and head.

Though the legs are feeling normal, my head still feels slightly sore and my arms are still recovering, but then again, I got extra sores because of that injection my generation gets for free to prevent me from getting cervical cancer, I believe.

As for the reason my body is sore in the first place is another thing, and mostly due to me prefering to shower later and my dad making a bigger deal out of it, as per usual.

Mind you, I was trying to wash the plates as he pretty much, puched me all over like a punching bag of sorts, thus me trying to move away and stuff, leaving the water running costing him money :) life is a little grand that way, but just.

A few little things happened while I was away:

• Relatives from Melbourne, who hadn't visited since back in 1990-something, came to stay at my place for a week. The 2 older boys are near my age so yes, we get along well. Got royally annoyed to the shits by the youngest one though (3 boys in total).
• Had New Years celebrationing in the form of a family get-together @ my Grandma's. Took some shots then.
• Day after that, again, celebrated the new years at my Uncle's, who daughters - my cousins, one older than me and one younger - had the whole Guitar Hero set; which we played constantly until;
• my relatives from Melbourne (mentioned earlier) came by too.
• Also received my 2nd shot of that injection preventing me from cancer - my 3rd and final shot should take place some time in May.
• Paid for my school fees, but something went wrong so gotta sort that out tomorrow, fuck.
• Buying more books/design mags/receipe books to read & enjoy;
• Finally bought myself some closed-toe-wedged high heels, and they're like a metallic brown copper colour which looks of awesomeness :)
• Got myself pursuaded to join this wilderness society club donation thing, so now I'm getting $20 less every month which, my mum is super pissed about :D

And that, pretty much sums up what's been happening with me whilst I was away.

No, I haven't enjoyed myself much this start of the new year.

And not to mention, we're going to see a lot of Black Fridays.

&& if you're a believer, just because, we have about 3 years left before the world ends.

So, I'm REALLY NOT KEEN to keep continuing studies after I finish my final half of my course. 

Though, if the world doesn't end by 2012, I suppose I'll do a follow-up course of a 3rd year to get myself an Advanced Diploma, or maybe, try my luck at applying for a University course instead and wish me luck that I don't have to do more than 2 years.

FINGERS CROSSED!

... if I could find a site to upload a sound clip of my sighing by the time it gets to this line, that would be pretty cool, kthnxbye.

--lids.

` Music && Soul v.63; Finger Eleven

Album Cover: Finger Eleven - The Greyest of Blue Skies

=============================================

Song Lyrics: Finger Eleven - First Time

I have never thought

We were hanging on

But the fall looks very far

Staring at the ground

What flesh will do to you

Will do to me too

Be free and on your own

It's not that simple

It's not that simple

It's never that simple

[Chorus]:

It feels like the first time

That we've fallen behind

And we faltered too far down

No one can save us

It feels like the first time

And we're standing above them

And no one can touch us

The worst is over

The worst is over

I could say to you

A bitter word or two

There's no stopping now

Just get it out in the air

Heard it through the fog

And hurt by it all

I'd take it back today

But it's out of my hands

It's out of my hands

But it's out of my hands

[Repeat chorus]

Lost in the flim again

All the signs were showing

Watching a single frame

When the wind begins

You're never anywhere

'Cause you're caught in my weather

Caught in my weather, every time

Feels like the first time

We've fallen behind

No use is the other one to wait

But I can hold on

As sure as I'm strong

Get over the faithful yesterday

Yeah, day, yeah

[Repeat chorus x2]

The worst is over [x2]

=============================================

you should have aborted me.

i.

Last night

as I looked myself over

in the mirror

with my black eye makeup

running black tendrils down my cheeks

I was a classic case of

disaster and absolute disgrace.

ii.

In one moments thoughts

there I was, digging into my flesh trying

to cut out a poison

born in blood

but another thought enters

about my pre-cut nails, didn't seem

adequate to pierce through skin

-- finally a rational idea

if I may say so myself.

iii.

Tips of blades

frighten the cores of me

thus, that plan has backfired

before it began.

iv.

It is quite an amusing thing how

easily the heart and soul are crushed

and the mind so readily tricked to

falling into a state of darkness that

as quickly switched on as it is off, such like

the humble light bulb who can produce

brightness into a room while just as simply

banishing it's source and welcoming

overwhelming false night.

v.

I haven't felt very human in

a long while and

I'm quite daring to test

whats ever left of

my humanity--

perhaps I'll see you in Hell, daddy dearest.

vi.

Not that I'd enjoy your

very presence though

-- sorry for the wake up call.

vii.

But someone had to do it, its

what I'm made for, for

being the very thing

-- your catalyst of

disaster and absolute disgrace.

viii.

I'm no future of yours

I'm no saviour of yours

I am flesh of 

another with genetics of you

I am flawed remnants of you and

by your God, I wish to

rid of you.

ix.

Though, as you say

not so lightly

"I'm stupid", "puta"

"A piece of shit" and other

vulgar terminologies.

x.

Don't be too surprised when I

snap and beat you when you

are weak and a defenceless

sorry excuse of a being

like you have made me.

10.1.2009

L.

` Music && Soul v.62; Ladyhawke

Album Cover: Ladyhawke - Ladyhawke

=============================================

Song Lyrics: Ladyhawke - My Delirium

Late night, waiting by the phone

Tonight waiting for an answer

Heartbeat drumming double time

I need one more chance to be near you

[Bridge]:

Still hanging on (for what)

Can't operate (fired up)

I won't eat eat and I sleep for you yeah

Not rest till I (get through)

'Coz I'm holding out (for you)

Am I the only one who's insane

[Chorus]:

Hey, you're playing with my delirium

And the longer I wait the harder I'm gonna fall

Stop playing with my delirium

'Coz I'm outta my head and outta my self control

Still here in this quiet room

Deep in delusion sending my over

Outside watch the world go by

Inside time stands still as I wonder

[Repeat bridge & chorus]

(I won't eat eat and I sleep for you, yeah)

[Repeat chorus x2]

=============================================