` On my own to work, fish ponds & art

Mood: Sleepy lazy
Now playing: Linkin Park - Somewhere I Belong
via FoxyTunes
----------------

darlings~

Been reading a bit of my previous posts, and well .. I still haven't cleaned up my room still.
That was to be expected - I'm too lazy, lool~

Oh, and new news - I actually to work and back home by myself by bus!
How excitement~
It's my first, and rather alright since it was the morning shift, but being casual means I'll get irregular times, so I'm thinking I'll need to keep checking up on the times to get to work on time .. oh, and I was like half an hour early to my shift - I gave it a whole hour to get there, you see :B
It was all because Mum was chucking a menopause.

I've been wanting to do some art, but I don't know what I can do.
I thinking about making another image, that I stupidly gave away to my "friend" and I doubt showing up there would be a good thing .. as in, it could indicate the wrong thing.
So, yeah .. it was, at first, suppose to be a red head's back view of her head so we can see just her long hair .. then I coloured the background completely in black and drew a halo, but I left to wash my hands [I did it all in oil pastels, which I have but haven't used yet] and saw my picture upside down, it looked like a flame.
It was really good .. and for me at that time, it was like a sacred flame but it can be extinguished and I suppose that what happened to my "friend" and I's 'friendship'.

Anyway, I've got a few little drawings of little characters in my notebook that I haven't scanned in yet, and might think of uploading it onto devART some time.
I still got that Typography assessment to find and identify the font and all .. it's gonna take a while.
Dad got a new fish pond, umm .. thing to fill up? Haha, yeah .. it's about 2 metres! Had to help him get it into the ground.
Paranoid and stressed as usual, and that's just dad .. I gotta find the right time to catch the bus tomorrow but pray it rains so they have to drive me 8D
And then, after all that .. hopefully get to cleaning my room ._. yay .. ~



.lidia

` Music && Soul v.35; Tegan and Sara

Album Cover: Tegan and Sara - So Jealous
=============================================

Song Lyrics: Tegan and Sara - Walking With A Ghost

No matter which way you go
No matter which way you stay
You're out of my mind
Out of my mind
Out of my mind
Out of my mind

[Chorus]:
I was walking with a ghost
I said please, please don't insist
I was walking with a ghost
I said please, please don't insist

No matter which way you go
No matter which way you stay
You're out of my mind
Out of my mind
Out of my mind
Out of my mind

[Repeat chorus]

No matter which way you go
No matter which way you stay
You're out of my mind
Out of my mind [x5]

I was walking with a ghost
I was walking with a ghost
Out of my mind (I say please)
Out of my mind
Out of my mind (I say please)
Out of my mind

You're out of my mind
Out of my mind [x6]

I was walking with a ghost [x6]

=============================================

` To our friendly place - Thai-anh!

Mood: Inflated happy then not
Chewing: Wrigley's Extra Freedent MINT flavour
Listening to: fireworks, sometimes
==============================

darlings~

Today I finally get to go out with the girls [Anny, Lucy & Twiins] to Thai-anh's house, where we were to have karaoke and pig-gout while watching some DVDs, preferably chick flicks .. where I also tried really hard not to cry while watching.
It's been a while seeing them, but it felt good that it didn't feel strange seeing them.
Unfortunately, Chung and Linda were unable to attend that day .. but I made sure I had bought all the girls some chocolate, as a little Christmas treat because I had a feeling I probably won't be able to make it in time for the actual day, so better early then~

I've been filled in about some things going on.
My ex-'best friend' seems to have acquired a 'BF', and scary thing is that she had called [I was notified once I got back home from Thai-anh's] when I was out. Apparently she wants to 'catch up' .. and stupid brother, he went and told her I was at someone's house, no doubt she'll be wondering who's and what I was doing and why - also, I just have that growing feeling she intends to fill me in about her recent 'accomplishment'.
I know, I sound like a complete bitch but hey, she was the one that kind of .. let's see, didn't exactly keep in touch as a 'best friend' status, pretty much ignored me when I attended an uneventful birthday bash by a long ago ex-bonny student and decided to 'party it up' with her new 'friends' [all of which, all from Uni .. trying to make us TAFE people feel worse I suppose with their high life partying *rolls eyes* puh-lease~], pretty much didn't invite people who she used to call 'good friends' to her most recent birthday party at her place [which, mind you I live quite close by too .. like, less than 2 mins walk] and is still trying so hard to fit into a crowd, that may just damage her social status with other 'norm' type people.
And yes, the girls including myself have tried to get her to join us in outings but of course, she was too busy for us.

Anyway, I won't even try to go on about that - Thai-anh had some proper things to worry about.
It hasn't been smooth sailing with her and her hubby .. a little disappointed, but they need to talk things out and get them sorted.
I wish her the best of luck and made sure to thank her for having us all over .. she needed that sort of company, and I only hoped we could do our part~


.lidia

` Spring cleaning in Summer; hot!

Mood: lazy lonely afternoon
Eating: nothing
Now playing: Sarah Blasko - Your Way
via FoxyTunes
----------------

darlings~

I've been so unproductive ever since the holidays started .. and I regret putting myself to work everyday for work.
Well, I've got my time of the month .. yay, not.
So that will explain the lazy feeling .. but I really want to just do something over the holidays - I've got about 2 months off .. so yeah, I'd really want to get something done instead of waiting another year.

I'm hoping to start some little projects .. make some art.
Also, I really need to start cleaning up my room - major cleaning, which means I might need to go out and buy some storage stuff.
Hopefully my mum will help me out with putting on the shelves or something .. because I've got some wall space left over, and hope there's enough left to put up the rest of my stuff.
I also want to look into getting a Polaroid camera and some film with that, also might look into getting a macro lens and some filters - they'll hopefully make my shots look more vintage with the ideas I have in mind.
Oh, and I might want to get my hands on some sort of modeling clay - I'm thinking about maybe making some weird but cute little critters.

But all and all, I'll need to tidy up my room first .. then later fill it up with mess again with my new project stuff, haha~

Ah~ My TAFE/college friend, Kate, got me the cutest thing ever .. it's like a little bottle thingy and she even put in a little message/quote thing which says "No man can call again yesterday" though I'm not sure about the time that she also wrote, but she promised to call me over the holidays .. and I don't really call people - the phone is so alien to me, unless I need to pick it up or need to call in to ask one or two particular things .. never really to have a conversation.
I can't wait to get back already, LOL~

I can't wait till my periods are over, then I can really feel better with cleaning everything.
I'll need to get my works sorted into a folder .. pack it up all nice and find somewhere to put it for now - probably on the ground - and then start cleaning out my tables and shelves .. and see what else needs to be thrown out.
Then, I'll need to start checking my clothes - because now my stuff shouldn't be in the way and I can actually get to my closet - and start packing up my clothes .. but first, get them washed. That's going to take a while but it's okay, I should have time now *fingers crossed* and maybe get rid of those shoe boxes I have, and buy a shoe rack!
Also, I think I just might want to get a big corner table and put it in my room in an unfashionably way and like, not in a corner.
I quite like my bed as is .. oh, and I'll need to clean under my bed .. and chuck out anything I don't need .. which is kinda lying everywhere.

So much to do!
I hope I get it all done before the holidays start again ;_; wish me luck~


.lidia

` Labour win, last week of TAFE & work

Mood: Sleepy~
Chewing: Wrigley's Extra Sweetmint gum
Now playing: Sarah Blasko - Your Way
via FoxyTunes
----------------

darlings~

My first go at voting, I made a mistake .. and I had to line up and didn't like it already.
I have no idea how I'm suppose to put up with it for the rest of my life >_> troublesome!
But alas, Kevid Rudd [running for Labour] won - how excitment - so long John Howard; finally.

Last week of TAFEing, and since there's nothing to do in Drawing class today, I didn't go.
*dance* but I'll be working more ... why didn't I lie ;_; WHY ?!?!
Oh yeah, so I'm back at work and I already want to stay at home .. people are so mean I almost cried.
I should be finishing off my last assessment for PI .. heh, oh well~
No work on Wednesday!!

Almost Christmas time~~~~

.lidia

` Music && Soul v.34; Operator Please

Album Cover: Operator Please - Get What You Want
=============================================

Song Lyrics: Operator Please - Get What You Want

Disappointed
You know there's never gonna be a cherry face
Inside this crowded room
Think you're the shit now
Because my lingo is so out of loop
Why yes I'm out of loop
Let's turn our noses up
Become a snob because we're treading the rooves
'Cause we're so fucking cool
Oh, give that act up
You know you're geeks that conglomerate
In the city we speak of

[Chorus]:
'Cause you don't always get what you want
Oh no you can, oh no you can, oh no you can
'Cause you don't always get what you want
I know you can, I know you can, I know you can

Attack, attack
My disposition
Get the vulnerable predators on the loose
Yeah, let's be vulgar
Internet sex naked computers
I wish I could
Feed you some ritalin
So maybe I could get a reaction
Or maybe even some facial expression
But it's not your fault
If you don't really wanna

[Repeat chorus x 2]

Attack, attack
My disposition
Your tennis shoes
Oh, get your ten issues
What ever am I to do?

I wish I could
Feed you some ritalin
So maybe I could get a reaction
Or maybe even a facial expression
But it's not your fault
If you really don't wanna

[Repeat chorus]

'Cause you don't always get what you want
And you don't always get what you want
'Cause you don't always get what you want
And you don't always get what you want

=============================================

` Possibly unitentionally flirtings .. oops!

Mood: Tired, lazy, etc ..
Eating: was; Apple flavoured lollipop
Now playing: Emilie Simon - Never Fall in Love
via FoxyTunes
----------------

darlings~

New report stat: I may have just turned down a date.
That's right folks, I just may of .... like I'm suppose to know what a date is like unless the person offering says it is D8< grrr ...
So who was this person? Why, the er ... how to put it nicely, dopey? But in a cute way ... yeaaah.
Oh, and his name's Alex .. with typical blonde hair and blue eyes, LOOL~
How did it happen?
We're suppose to have completed our BBQ Catalogue illustration by today .. and as usual, he didn't start much on it. I finished the night before, plus some 2 hours today in the very early mornings.
I seem to have paid extra attention to my vegetables, so asked/told me to colour them in for him .. of course, being the selfish bastard-bitch I am I refused, then thought about it and asked what I would get in return - wasn't offering, purely asking for the sake of doing something for someone I always want like the same thing in return or similar service back.
Anyway, his reply was on the lines of: "How about a movie on Thrusday" to which I always automatically say no to, though I probably should've also said the typical reason to that as well .. which I forgot at the time because of his reply.
He didn't look at me when he asked, which got me thinking he probably did mean a little something more than that by just seeing a movie >_>" but like I said, I wouldn't have known~
Yeah, I kinda mumbled that I don't go out to see movies anyway .. and he was taking it like nothing happened [I think .. he was pretty red .. pure aussieness, lol .. too white + blush = you'll see] but er, yeaaaah ........... ROFL, I probably would've turned down anyone anyway.
Seriously!
I don't want to have to go through 'anything' at the same moment when I'm trying to study still, after all, I tried those things during high school and my marks just went down low.
And besides, I don't think I'm mentally + emotionally ready for anything like that .. I go completely blind when anyone likes me .. so yeah, first I need to learn to be strong on my own.
I'll live, get that Diploma and go on to study in Uni and get my Bachelor .. get a proper job soon after that, and THEN I'll probably be able to go out partner-hunting .. uh-huh~

Anything about anyone getting even the slightest bit interested in me, I do get really happy but if I really think about it .. it just first impressions really.
I don't think I can fully come out with my other side just yet .. let them enjoy my good, happy sides .. and hope they don't hate me when the see the whole of me.
Oh, and freakin' Pepper Dennis on Channel 7 @ 3 PM is luff!!
Here's to hoping & future well-being~

.lidia

` Overworked, stressed, paranoid; My life so far.

Mood: lazy
Eating: was eating chocolate ;_; bad!
Now playing: Bjork - Unravel
via FoxyTunes
----------------

darlings~

FAROUT, I had chocolate today ;_; and I'm trying my best to resist it.
Only today happens to be 'high school selling chocolate fund raiser' ... Oh my gosh, and my mum gave money to us to buy some to help support them .. ARGH!!!
How am I suppose to resist ;_; ?!
So, I have unsuccessfully given up chocolate because I just did an EPIC FAIL upon myself!
I guess this all started when my Aunty said that I looked fat, and not to be mistaken with literally, but in our culture it means healthy looking .. when you're big, then yeah ...~
But no, she said and meant I looked much healthier, and I feel great to know that someone else thinks that way of my figure, but I can't help but remember the literal meaning of 'being fat'.
Yeah .. I can say I like my weight, and I do - it's just my arms and tummy I need to work out - I don't plan to lose weight! Just tone up my arms and tummy, my legs are ok .. I don't mind them really :3
The arms need dire attention though - they're huge! Like, almost 2 of my brother's one arm and that'll equal just my one arm x_x so cha~ I'm definitely wanting to sculpt that up a bit!
I just need to make sure my tummy doesn't blow up when it's not even that full >_>" seriously.
A singular 'fatty-ish' food and I'm like a ballon .. so, I need to sort of train it to stay in shape~

I got my Typo assessment done, the brochure one where it required a total designage x_x and yes, as usual, last minute and freaking out it's due the next day.
But guess what, it wasn't even due today - not until next week! And I didn't even know till I pretty much finished!!!
All good though, now that's out of the way I can concentrate on assessments that is / will be due next week - yes! I left a lot till the last minute!
*stress stress grumble mumble - breathe*
I'm tired because I'm paranoid and suddenly wake up at random times, stressing over assessments .. I'm totally gonna be 'teh Panda Eyes' :3

Oh, and let's not forget work.
Seems the absolute head cashier has gone off on her holidays already! I feel sorry for Maire, who I think is pretty much in charge since Delma left her without teaching her supervisory & absolute head cashiering.
I feel bad for cancelling the whole of next week, but seriously - I need a break!!
I'll be working the rest of this weeks shifts, then cramming assessments and stressing over trying to get them done on time, and then I will somehow make it to the Twiins b'day outing that's late at night and doesn't end to really late at night.

So much hectikness.
I barely show up online on MSN anymore .. I miss the people, I miss their talks, but on the net it's not as fun? I don't know ..
I think I might be falling back into my depressive state, because I'm always stressing with school assessments, then work because I'm paranoid they'll fire me or ask me to work and when I say I can't they'll give me less and lesser shifts to do.
Not to mention the no-social-life-status .. not that I'm social or anything, but I've hardly been out just to go out!
*exasperated sigh*

I can't wait for the holidays - hopefully school-free and less work.
I need to get going to dinner .. shower will be later, gets hot then cold then hot again - crazy Melb-like weather, ftw!
Meditation should be revisited .. it's been a looooong while since I've done any of that~

.lidia

` Music && Soul v.33; Sia

Album Cover: Sia - Colour The Small One

=============================================

Song Lyrics: Sia - Breathe Me

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part of it all is there's no one else to blame

[Chorus]:
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
And needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch, I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am no where else to be found
Yeah, I think I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

[Repeat chorus x2]

=============================================

` Short update: Too much work, little of school

Mood: Grumpy hmm's
Eating: healthy, or trying to
Now playing: Sia - Breathe Me
via FoxyTunes
----------------

darlings~

I hate working too many days, never enough time for school work, which is all due next week - pretty much anyway.
Trying to find some new songs to download, and ended up going through OLD songs, haha.
Sia is love!
Maybe one day, and only if I pursue a dream of mine to be a singer, solo or band - preferably band.
That's it.

.lidia

` I'm all yours, NOT. School, work, periods ..

Mood: bleh..
Eating: was munching on Maccas cookies
Listening to: nuffin' ATM
=======================

darlings ~

Hectikness.
Got my periods a couple of days ago.
Seriously 'hooked' on the Veronicas new song: Hook Me Up - damned catchy;
they're alright, love their songs - don't like them much.
Assessments, assessments .. complex assessments needing me to go out late at night -
fun but ugh, annoying because of timing -
wonder how I'll be able to get that one done; hasn't been handed out though but we know about it.

I'm hungry.
Back on track - trying to fill up the space,
because I like to fill things up and make them even-ish ..
and pretty.
What?
I can't help it~
*angelic shine* Ka-ching!
It looks fun doing this, really.
I should do it more often then sometimes .. but
I guess I usually have too much to type about and well,
I don't get enough space to type like this - all separated and all.
LOOL~

I still need to keep it going.
I'm itchy - damned stockings.
Which reminds me -
I need to buy a few new pairs -
the normal, thin ones like I got on now and,
some thick ones .. that don't just go up the legs.
I have leggings .. but they don't stay up ;_; *woe* ..
I like them,
but my legs are too fat or something because they can't hang on up on my legs.
Cha~
I need to lose some weight.

Oh!
Starting that diet shake thingy again,
so I can skip breakfast and it'll be okay
because that shake thingy can replace a meal or two
:B
Awesomenidge <--- I like making up words. YAY!! for me~
I also need to clean out my wardrobe -
it's totally cluttered in there,
and/or stuffed.

Well,
I think that about does it .. better stop here~
Thanks for reading, if you've actually read through this all - lol~~

.lidia

P.S:
I almost filled it up right -
almost!
/EDIT

` Music && Soul v.32

Album Cover: The Veronicas - Hook Me Up
=============================================

Song Lyrics: The Veronicas - Hook Me Up

I'm tired of my life
I feel so in between
I'm sick of all my friends, girls can be so mean
I feel like throwing out everything I wear
I'm starting over new
'Cause I'm not even there

Sometimes
I wanna get away some place
But I don't wanna stay too long
Sometimes
I wanna brand new day
Try to fit in where I don't belong

[Chorus]:
Hoooooooooooook, hook me up
I wanna feel the rain in my hair
Hoooooooooooook, hook me up
Where should we go, I don't even care

Anywhere is good enough
Hook me up
Hook me up

The like the lights turned out
The sound of closing doors
I'm not like the other girls
Who always feels so sure

Of everything they are
Of what they're gonna be
Sometimes I'm just a girl
Stuck inside of me; of me

Sometimes I wanna disappear some place
But I don't wanna stay too long
Sometimes
I'm feeling so alone
Trying to fit in where I don't belong

[Repeat chorus]

Anywhere is good enough
Hook me up
Hook me up
Anywhere is good enough
Hook me up

They're gonna crash and burn
I'm gonna find the way
Nothing left to say

[Repeat chorus x2]

Anywhere is good enough
Hook me up
Hook me up
Hook me up

=============================================

` To my little brother

Happy 16th Birthday, Ricardo Seng Lay!!
My little bro~

` Hectik weeks, celebrations & events! .. then work

Mood: lethargic & aggitated?
Eating: [ate]
Now playing: Drowning Pool - Sinner
via FoxyTunes
----------------

darlings ~

It's Ric's 16th today [30th of October, the day jusr before Halloween] .. how excitement - I kwnow~
I tried shopping and see if I could buy anything for him, after spending a lot of time at the Reject shop and buying a couple of stuff there, I figured I'd best let him decide what he wants, only that he still had school.
To solve the dilemma - just give him enough-ish money to let him buy whatever he wanted, but of course make sure he limits himself to buy things at a time, and not blow it all in one shot.
So, that's been done .. got a candle that's 'Honeymelon' for my mummy .. got a few cards, silver ribbon thingy, silver star stickers & those chocolate coins .. with little panda plushie o_o duh! Of course I'll buy it just for the sake of the panda, the bonus was that it came with chocolate *thumbs up* awesomeness!

I'm paranoid about my PI class, 'cause it says on the brief that it's due >_> and like, HOW THE HECK AM I GOING TO GET 5 DIFFERENT PEOPLE WILLING TO LET ME TAKE PICTURES OF THEM?!?!
Hardly any ... at all.
I'm screwed more 'cause I can't exactly try and talk to him tomorrow, since I got work PLUS it's waaaaaay too far to travel all the way there to ask one thing and freak out trying to get it down.
If I lose marks, I should be OK .. besides, I tried finding him today and he wasn't in .. so fcuk, I'm doubly screwed.
Hopefully, the teach will be understanding of my situation .. and heck, I barely go out at all and seriously, no one in my family is willing enough to let me take photos of them - in a non-perverted way too - completely clean.
Garrrgh!

*breathes* .. heh, it's All Hallow's Eve tomorrow .. and I'm excited!
.. yeah, I got work but I can still show up tomorrow looking like a freak 8D and I'll try to stick to regulations ... but I'm too chicken so my tribute to eyeliner once again by applying it in thick-loads .. like I used to, LOL!
I wanna go trick-o-treating .. though I doubt anyone would want to come along with me >_>" I did kinda cancel out on going to my friend's b'day party so I'll feel extra shitty for celebrating that and not be able to celebrate my friend's b'day who I don't see too often, even though we live pretty close by x_x rofl~
But yeah, I'll need to do something that day ... another tribute, to the infamous RB [RomeoBlue], the creator of my little haunting .. haha, planning on smoking one for him, and also for myself .. and I'll get to do that again the day after around 4 PM, I think.

Oh, and I also got on other assessment to finish .. with magazines, and farout I don't buy those damned things, and even if we did it's such a waste to cut stuff out from it >_> so yeah, have to finish that .. somehow explain about the photos, don't worry too much about Concept or drawing just yet.
Stress out a bit for Typo 'cause it's getting close to the due date x_x *eep* .. ftw, I'm gonna die stressing!

Anyway, I think I typed a little over my usual limit tonight.
Thanks to whoever reads these, apart from myself~

.lidia

` Music && Soul v.31

Album Cover: Lady Sovereign - Public Warning
=============================================

Song Lyrics: Lady Sovereign - Blah Blah

I see the first priorities, are discussin' me
At Mickie D's at about half three
What you munching on?
A Quarter-pounder with cheese?
Chatting about me and my abilities
"Now S.O.V, oh shit!"
"S.O.V, can’t spit!"
"S.O.V, just quit!"
Aw, whatever don’t talk wid your mouth full, bitch!
That’s right discussing me, it’s all publicity
Even if u can't stand me, your still dashing my name around the city
Its all good though, publicity for free!
White midget, uh huh, might fidget
Somebody just dialed my digits
Is it for your no one? Hmm... Is it?
Flatter by the way that I use your credit
If you gonna say that I'm nobody
Well, if I'm nobody then why are you ringing me?!
You drained your credit that’s killing it
Wow, my style? You sure you ain't feeling it?

[Chorus]:
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
What we tell 'dem? In one ear and it comes straight out the other
Repeating yourself like you got a stutter
Wiv' all your mutter like, reh reh reh rah
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
All your words in my brain are turning into clutter
Repeating yourself like you got a stutter
Wiv' all your mutter like, reh reh reh rah

Yo, people want to classify me as an Eminem
White hair, what? I'm a different kind of specimen
Just because I be a white Caucasian
Doesn’t mean me and him are the same because
One, I'm not American
Two, I'm not a man
Three I'm comin' through a different kind of plan
Set the facts straight cos I know that I can
Will it ever wait 'cause I do the ultravan
Categories I don’t fit into any
Why? I'm wrote so many songs about many
Writing out more lines than Burberry
Then it will be like a victim of a bully
(spits)
Make you drink my saliva off the floor
Spit that spat
When I walked in the door release my metaphor like
Oh, blimey, it's the white girl S.O.V!

[Repeat chorus]

I know you don't boast about me over your Sunday roast
Or mid-morning cheese on toast
But when I found out you’re talking
Its all different you start squawking
“S.O.V, I never said that!”
“S.O.V, you know you ain't whack”
“S.O.V, I love your track”
What the f**k you want bitch, a pat on the back?
I’m blahbarian equals a soon to be bed friend
From the bed friend comes the next blahbarian
Then they only start caring when your preparing the next big rhythm
That every damn kid's wearin'
And Oh god, I got posh people swearing
The rich, the poor, the snobs, the whores
Oh dear Blahbarians galore!

[Repear chorus]

=============================================

` I'm broken and blue, hurt and abused ..

Mood: Extra moody
Eating: don't think I'll will be
Now playing: Emilie Simon - song of the storm
via FoxyTunes
----------------

darlings~

It's been one time, in a long time since the last time my dad ever 'beat' me.
Not senseless though, or else I wouldn't have been reasonable in my defenses *phew* .. but I'm happy at the same time, because I feel like it was the first time I ever really 'spoke out'.
It may not seem like much of an accomplishment .. but it is for me, but not only that I was trying to be reasonable, like I said, good thing he didn't beat me senseless or else it would give him more of an excuse to keep 'exercising'.

I've been really tired the last few days, so going to work really got on my nerve.
And looky here, I learnt to do the same thing as my old man and take out my stress and anger on someone 8D but I didn't beat them to an almost pulp like him.
And for that, I feel somewhat proud .. though I know it's not exactly for the good reasons.

But I finally felt like I spoke out a bit, tried to show him what he was doing.
His obviously too blind, and too ignorant to acknowledge anything .. too arrogant, and having a child speaking the simple truth seems like they're starting rebellion on him - it's what you get for being such a role model, not.

My right shoulder-blade area and a little of my neck is slightly sore, just like this little nagging ache there and my right knee is kinda like, growing a new neighbour .. who will hopefully not stick around too much as a bulge, but a permanent reminder.
Yeah, it's hurting even now.

I might just be the first to have an emotional break down at my work place and at TAFE/college 8D since in high school, I was known for it ~
I wish I could say bye for now, and forever but other times I don't to .. gah, the indecisiveness of me.

.lidia

` Slow, burning spring-time

Mood: Apathetic
Eating: Simpkins Forest Fruit Drops
Now playing: Bjork - Human Behavior
via FoxyTunes
----------------

darlings ~

I'm sooo tired after work, maybe also because I shower late at night before going to sleep, only having to wake up early the next/again for work or school.
I know, I should know better .. but I'm stubborn in my ways .. in many ways.

I don't feel like doing much still, also due to the weather because it's heating up already and it's not even summer yet. Just spring and we're at boiling point .. I can imagine us catching on fire in the summer .. scary.
I really don't like summer.

I haven't been writing too many great poems as of lately .. and I don't write much at all nowadays.
I miss those days.
My creativity, motivation, the art feel .. seems like they all ran away and hid from me .. never to be found again.
I don't know anymore.
I think I should try writing, in a bit.

Been totally addicted to all sort of music, that's more ethereal .. slow, classy, indie .. I can't explain well.
But yeah .. I'll get to that writing I said I'd try.
So, thanks for reading ~

.lidia

` Music && Soul v.30

Album Cover: Sarah Blasko - The Overture & The Underscore
=============================================

Song Lyrics: Sarah Blasko - Don't U Eva

You've got a way with words
You've got a way that makes me feel so complicated
Your message meets the floor
The horizon meets your horse and you're deliberated
I'm only clearing my throat

[Chorus]:
Don't you ever wish for
Just one thing that you might never see
Don't you ever wish for
Just one thing that you might never know
You might never know

You've got a way with words
You've got a way that makes me feel so complicated
A wall keeps you from me
You'd raise the door just so you could find the key
The wolves are waiting

[Repeat chorus]

I'm underground
As the words just spin around
And you hunt them down
Try to pin them to the ground
There will be no sound
As the words tumble out
And you won't be found
By the time you hit the ground

You've got a way with words [x3]
(With words, with words)

[Repeat chorus]

You might never know

(Don't you ever wish for, don't you ever wish for)
You might never know
You might never know

(Don't you ever wish for, don't you ever wish for)
Oh, you might never know

=============================================

` Loves quickies; Chu's b'day & TAFE

Mood: ?
Eating: Simpkins Forest Fruit Drops
Now playing: Garbage - Garbage - Sex Is Not The Enemy
via FoxyTunes
----------------

darlings ~

Saturday 13th of October was hella awesome - Chu's b'day outing to LunaPark then went to eat @ Jap restaurant - food was delicous! - and then karaoke where I almost lost my voice from trying to sing as loud as everyone else [and they sing REALLY loud for little people :# roflbbq~]

ZOMG, and today is Chu's actual b'day - so a BIG hip-hip-hooray to her!!!
*PARTY*

Got some gouche paintings to finish, and labels to design .. not sure if I wanna work tomorrow >_> 'cause it's right in the middle of the day, and I'll need all the time I can get!!
*Eep* .. probably cancel early morning .. say I'm feeling crook or something .. cross it out on my mum's list of when I'm working - iunno!
Oh, and yeah schools back ...... *drone*

Blah.
That's about it .. just thought I'd update a bit~

.lidia

` Pass, pass, pass

Mood: CBF
Eating: nothing
Now playing: Jewel - Foolish Games
via FoxyTunes
----------------

darlings~

Been such a lousy long day .. can't be assed starting assessments, still.
Got invited to go to Chu's b'day outing .. love her dress code: gothic/punk .. God I love her, she's an awesome friend. It should be fun, for once I hope .. most parties are boring.

Haven't been typing up anything poet-like .. seems like I'm really mellowing out.
Oh, and my mum had a dream where I got shot and then I somehow shot that person back .. but I die, and she said she woke up crying ;_; *hugs mummy* don't cry mummy!! I'm still here!

So yeah, a little worried .. paranoid more like it, everyday.
Oh well .. there's just so much I worry about .. random things, personal things ..
Ah! There's this anime called 'School Days' .. that's some f'd up but seriously deep storyline there - I loved it, and I could relate .. which is somewhat scary but also understandable.

Nothing else much, work work work .. and when I have free time I can't be stuffed 'cause of all the work .. so assessments get left unattended to, yet again.
*sigh* Anyway, that's about it for now .. I might end up typing up something after this, maybe not, but: thanks for reading ~

.lidia

` Music && Soul v.29

Album Cover: Bjork - Post
=============================================

Song Lyrics: Bjork - Hyper-ballad

We live on a mountain
Right at the top
This beautiful view
From the top of the mountain

Every morning I walk towards the edge
And throw little things off
Like car parts, bottles and cutlery
or whatever I find lying around
It's become a habit
A way to start the day

[Chorus]:
I go through all this
Before you wake up
So I can feel happier
To be safe up here with you

[Repeat chorus]

It's real early morning
No one is awake
I'm back at my cliff
Still throwing things off

I listen to the sounds they make
On their way down
I follow with my eyes till they crash
Imagine what my body would sound like
Slamming against those rocks

And when it lands
Will my eyes my closed or open

[Repeat chorus x3]

Safe up (here with you) [x7] ..

=============================================

` Possible withdrawal & other excitements

Mood: Lazy
Chewing: Wrigley's Extra Professional
Now playing: garbage - Garbage - Use Me
via FoxyTunes
----------------

darlings~

Haven't been updating this much .. as in, blog much, at all.
Can't be bothered, so lazy .. and being on holidays make me extra, extra lazy .. but I've out a bit, was invited to Hung's belated 19th b'day party .. I gotta say though, it wasn't what I'd expected .. so many new faces, and 'specially with me I feel so out of place .. gosh, I just kept to myself.
Oh, not to mention I got there early and decided I'd go with the guys to buy alkie .. and I didn't bring any ID on me so they couldn't get anything .. embarrassing but zomg, how stupid is that .. I didn't even drink any alkie that night too *rolls eyes* I should've put more make-up on so I'd look older .. cha~ for once I wanted to look older.

Moving along, so people I knew didn't come till much later, and I was pretty much all by myself and fending off strangers' glances.
I have to admit, I'm starting to become anti-social again .. withdrawal and whatnot. I couldn't stand the party, and I felt like going home much earlier .. only my anorexic phone stuffed up on me so I couldn't use my SIM to call anyone - farout.

Aside from the bad things, been watching Nana, the anime .. and I really like it.
I like the story lines .. the complexity of it all, with being completely blind in what love is with the innocent Nana, to the deep love for Ren with the rockstar Nana - I love rockstar Nana, lol~
I particularly like how both Nana's didn't have such simple lives .. I want something like that, but not too extreme .. and neither one of them had anything really bad happen .. so yeah, I'd like something complex like theirs to happen to me someday .. I think I already went through the blind love, heh .. so now, I want to find a deep love with someone .. *sigh* if only though .. but I can dream~!

Oh, I've also been into Alanis Morissette a lot now .. love her song Crazy, Hand in my pocket & Uninvited .. they sound totally rad! Been trying to look up more songs from her .. but can't, ah well.

Well, that's about it .. just thought I'd update my blog a bit.
Thanks for reading~

.lidia

` Music && Soul v.28

Album Cover: Bjork - All Is Full Of Love
=============================================

Song Lyrics: Bjork - All Is Full Of Love

You'll be given love
You'll be taken care of
You'll be given love
You have to trust it

Maybe not from the sources
You have poured yours
Maybe not from the directions
You are staring at

Twist your head around
It's all around you
All is full of love
All around you

All is full of love
You just ain't receiving
All is full of love
You're phone is off the hook
All is full of love
Your doors are all shut
All is full of love

[Icelandic]

All is full of love, all is full of love
All is full of love, all is full of love ..

=============================================

` Sever me from the world's life

Mood: Lethargic, lacking motivation
Eating: [ate]
Listening to: Bjork - Human Behaviour
=================================

darlings ~

Just a little quick post [I hope], it's a little more than late .. pretty much 11 PM now, should be going to sleep as I have work early in the morning .. but I got to type this up.

It seems a lot of people suddenly want to talk to me .. am I some sort of excuse, a thing to help pass time? Or is it just me, being paranoid, as per usual ... ?
My 'ex', 'Hunter', Julie .. I don't expect you to know them, but I want to keep this as a sort of momento that isn't too pleasant, a reminder to myself; the way life works it the biggest bitch ever.
Popping out of no where, they all decide to talk to me ... act like nothing ever changed.
With Hunter, long distance .. need I say more? yeah .. thought so. It seems to me he wants some sort of reassurance from me .. I don't know what it is exactly about him, but I can't stand his infinite optimism .. it's annoying really. He still thinks he can go around doing my sub-cul [sub-culture] thing with me .. gothic/dark culture, you usually show a lot of affection .. I told him I've grown cold, which I have .. I can't tolerate his behaviour around me.

Then my 'ex' starts talking to me [I think he was high the entire time, but you never can tell these days] and he was all like, I miss you and talking shit and being a major dickhead/asshole/jackass/et cetera .. if I was there, I would've gone up and upsided him .. break some bones. Again, these two people so far haven't gotten the hint, or gotten over things ... move on!
Oh, and then Julie is all like .. zomg, like Uni is so harrrrrd, I thought it would be easy, and then some stupid cutesie giggle crap. From what I've heard, from many other sources [friends], she's been taking it quite easy, in fact, clubbing every night - Mmmm, really been working hard, ay?!
... seriously ~

I think from having to quickly finish assessments, and waking up extra early more than days at a time, is stressing me out .. making me aggravated.
It's probably that that's making me spin out of control .. getting so uptight and quick to snap .. I want to give up .. heh, like what I said to my 'ex' .. I refuse to eat/drink/smoke/breathe/feel/touch/see/taste anything at all, like I'm refusing to live.

I hate complications ~

.lidia

` Awesome music & stuff

Mood: A little bit apathetic
Eating: nuffin' .. had my dinner already
Now playing: Evanescence - My Last Breath
via FoxyTunes
----------------

darlings ~

I've got assessments due like, in just the day after tomorrow .. and I've yet to start on it x_x hahaha, I'm such a lazy ass.
It's for my drawing class .. and I have to do more than just draw, I have to colour and also paint .. they're small pictures, but I have to do them realistically! I suck at doing that type of art D8< !!
Then after doing that I have to render it so it's got 3 tones, using all the mediums .. then do it again using just the one colour and making the image look more simplified .. ask, much?
*sigh* I still don't get any motivation to do it .. and I've got work tomorrow, meaning I won't have time and then most likely I'll be freaking out and trying to get it done the night before the due date [which is the day after I'm working tomorrow] .. and try not to have a major panic attack.

Bahh, I've been sneezing a lot .. and my nose hurts too >_>" but my head doesn't hurt or anything like a synous .. however you spell it. And right now it's itchy-like and I feel like sneezing just to get the sickly feeling away.

Been listening to Bjork for a little while, on YouTube - she has some majorly awesome stuff x_x
The first time I saw one of her music clips, I was all .. uugh, not my thing but then I watched another music clip of her's later on in the year, and it was mad!
Could be because there was lesbian-robot smooching, but the song was soooooo soothing but sad.
So I think from there, I got the interest of checking out her songs more .. and she really does have some extremely awesome songs. I think back then I was still into the 'what everyone else likes' but now, I'm really into listening to my own stuff that's totally different and most other people don't like ;P
And Bjork fits the profile of weirdness, perfectly xD love her film clips .. trippy, and then others you want to laugh at but all in a good way, like 'zomg, that's genius'.

Anyway, I should start finishing off my drawing thing >_> 'cause I really need to finish it .. along with my C&M thing .. fcuk.
I gots a stomach ache ;_; need to go poo, hahahahaha ~
Thanks for reading xD

.lidia

` Music && Soul v.27

Album Cover: Rihanna - Good Girl Gone Bad
=============================================

Song Lyrics: Rihanna - Don't Stop The Music

Please don't stop the music [x4]

It's gettin' late
I'm making my way over to my favourite place
I gotta get my body moving, shake the stress away
I wasn't looking for nobody when you looked my way
Possible candidate, yeah
Who knew
That you'd be up in here lookin' like you do
You're makin' stayin' over here impossible
Baby, I must say your aura is incredible
If you don't have to go, don't

[Bridge]
Do you know what you started?
I just came here to party
But now we're rockin' on the dance floor
Acting naughty
Your hands around my waist
Just let the music play
We're hand in hand
Chest to chest
And now we're face to face

[Chorus] [x2]
I wanna take you away
Let's escape into the music
DJ let it play
I just can't refuse it
Like the way you do this
Keep on rockin' to it
Please don't stop the
Please don't stop the
Please don't stop the music

Baby, are you ready 'cause it's getting close
Don't you feel the passion ready to explode
What goes on between us, no one has to know
This is a private show, oh

[Repeat bridge & chorus]

Please don't stop the music [x3]

Ma ma se, ma ma sa
Ma ma coo sa [x8]

Please don't stop the music [x2]

[Repeat chorus]

Please don't stop the music

Ma ma se, ma ma sa
Ma ma coo sa [x12]

=============================================

` And things almost went haywire

Mood: A little irritated, but dealing
Eating: well, I ATE some 'Biskits'
Listening to: Evanescence - Hello
============================

darlings && sweethearts ~

A little more than tired .. and it seemed so when I went to work today, lol .. but probably looked more tired than usual, since I most likely than not; look tired everyday - like a ghoul, you know, with dark rings around my eyes or just dark shadows.
Moving along - just thought I'd post something a little new as it seems it's been a long while since I've done so .. sooooooooo, yeah ;P

Oh, I'm PMSing day 2-ish so far .. last night it came so yeah .. second day, but not really and then again it is?

Anyway, I still have to take a shower then go eat dinner [and it's almost 8:10 PM over here :B], then go wash up after that ... OH! and my dad's going to be gone for about a week starting a couple of hours ago!! That's what I was wanting to post xD LOOL, I'm lame. So yeah .. and mum was like 'I'm free' and I'm just like LOLing, ahahaha, and yeah I'm starting to just say LOL instead of actually laughing out loud.
Typical me ~~

I got TAFE/college tomorrow .. and I'm not sure what's happening on Friday ['cause my boss asked if I wanted to work on that day, but she knows I got TAFE but she was like it's public holidays, and I was WTFing in my mind, and looking it and I was like I didn't know, LOL, so she's like oh don't worry about it] but moving along, I need to be taking pictures tonight and have a proper version of my 'poem collage' as well, for C&M [colour and media class] and it's just too late into the night/day to be finishing it off .. and I'm seriously CBF @TM x_x fcuk .. I'm starting to go back to using abbreviations x3x AAHH!!
Oh wells ~

OKAY, don't wanna have this getting too long so I'll leave this at that .. just TAFE homework to finish off, and need to clean up .. and that's about it, well .. PMS is going to go for a while but you get the idea, ahahha.
Sooooooo, thanks for reading ~

.lidia

` Music && Soul v.26

Album Cover: Paramore - All We Know Is Falling
=============================================

Song Lyrics: Paramore - Emergency

I think we have an emergency
I think we have an emergency
If you thought I'd leave, then you were wrong
'Cause I won't stop holding on

So are you listening?
So are you watching me?

If you thought I'd leave, then you were wrong
'Cause I won't stop holding on

This is an emergency
So are you listening?
And I can't pretend that I don't see this

It's really not your fault
When no one cares to talk about it
Talk about it

(Chorus):
'Cause I've seen love die
Way too many times
When it deserved to be alive
(When it deserved to be alive)
I've seen you cry
Way too many times
When you deserved to be alive
Alive

So you give up every chance you get
Just to feel new again

I think we have an emergency
I think we have an emergency

And you do your best to show real love
But you don't know what love is

So are you listening?
So are you watching me?
Well I can't pretend that I don't see this

But it's really not your fault
When no one cares to talk about it
Talk about it

(Repeat chorus)

These scars, they will not fade away

No one cares to talk about it
Talk about it

(Repeat chorus)

=============================================

` Somewhat back on track of things - sort of.

Mood: Hyper, but lazy-sleepy
Eating: Nuufin'
Listening to: Stephanie McIntosh - Tightrope
===================================

hello-hello darlings ~

It's been quite a while since my previous entry, that wasn't today xD
Looks like I've been pretty busy-ish and preoccupied/or should be ;P lol ~
TAFE's been taking up quite a lot of my time, especially traveling there x_x zomg, I'm sort of getting used to waking up really early .. but heck, at some times I don't even bother to wake up at all, knowing I have to go to school!
Works been alright .. they've kinda got set times for me now, which is relatively good since then I kinda can say, oh yeah I'll be free after this time on this day after work - but it could change, since it's a damned computer that's 'organising' the times for the peoples from where I work.

But back to schooling, since one of my classes is Photo Imaging, well .. it's obvious I need to have a camera to take pictures so I'll be able to have them either touched-up or distorted, et cetera.
And so far, the briefs/assessments that I need to do in that class have all mostly been saying 'I need to take pictures' .. so yeah, I was pretty much screwed on the first day and all .. BUT! I finally have a proper digital SLR camera .. with tripod, carry case bag thingyo & changable lenses!! And I have TWO of them 8D which would explain why I'm hyper, and the lack of sleep from traveling to and from school explains why I'm lazy-sleepy and not wanting to finish off assessments I'm suppose to finish off by at least this/following early week!

So that's about it really, just thought I'd update my entries .. and remind myself in the way later future of how my life went and all - LOL, I'm such a sad case.
Anyways! Thanks to those that actually read these ~

TC.P&L
.lidia

` Music && Soul v.25

Album Cover: Sparta - Threes
=============================================

Song Lyrics: Sparta - Taking Back Control

This home (this home)
This place ( aah)
It turns back on time and space
We hope (we hope)
You pray (aah)
But today is still today

(Bridge):
Oh, we ran ourselves ragged

All these broken backs, tragic

We try (we try)
You fail (aah)
Another mark you left in hell
This cut (this cut)
Will run (aah)
But the guilt has just begun

(Repeat bridge)

(Chorus):
The future bleeds
All these wasted seeds
Don't let it go
We're taking back control
The future needs
All these wasted seeds
Don't let it go
We're taking back control

This hole (this hole)
You tore (you tore, aah)
Left blood on every door
We hope (we hope)
You find (aah)
Tragedy will change your mind

(Repeat bridge & chorus)

Take control

(Repeat chorus)

=============================================

` Masking the truth

Mood: too vulgar
Chewing: Wrigley's Eclipse Peppermint Ice gum
Listening to: Émilie Simon - Dame de Lotus
=======================================

darlings ~

It's been some week for me: started TAFE/college and works been a bitch, tired as hell due to TAFE hours .. well, more like the hours in which classes start and seeing as I probably live furtherest away from Hornsby [the TAFE/college I attend], I have to add an extra 3 hours to the actual start hours of class, because of waking up routines and travel time.
Aside from the annoying things, I've made some friends - to my astonishment - and I have a rather nice class, plus I don't have to work as much .. but still, the down fall of that is I am spending more time at TAFE then at work, or just socially with my friends from high school, which, of course, annoys me like hell .. so I didn't really cover all the annoying things - sorry.

SO, moving along .. I've time to have some R&R since it's the weekends, but I've been feeling very lethargic about a lot of things - I believe my dad was the trigger for that, as he has always been - and, I feel so out of place - again, like I always do.
It's funny .. my mum told me that it was my dad who said having a child before marriage was to keep the marriage together, which is so much bull .. on legal issues, DUH you'd want to keep the marriage together, if not the parent who doesn't have custody over the child(ren) will have to pay child support, and if they don't they can charged and if you run away from trying to pay that money, you'll get hunted down and charged, and cough up even more money plus a possible gaol (jail) time.
Oh yeah, he believed this because he friend told him so. Oh! And even more juicy things: I happen to be that child before marriage .. well, my mum was pregnant with me then got married, but you couldn't tell since it was early and all .. still though, just having known that .. and it was pretty long ago my mum told me about it, it's no wonder I feel so out of place.
And the nerve of him!! Seriously .. he says that I listen to friends too much, which again, is total bull - I don't follow friends, as much as I love them, I don't .. I DO have a say on what I want and don't want around them and if they don't like it I don't really go along with it, in other circumstances like going some place to meet up every now and then, yeah .. I sometimes don't like the places but it's because we can still meet up then alright I'll go along with it - however, I still my say.
His a total fuckin' hypocrite.

Everything just gets worse when he is my dad, and I really do have too much of he genes .. almost as if I am him myself .. which, doesn't help with self-esteem and consciousness - I pretty much hate myself - a lot.
I don't see too many good things about myself, while in others I can be positive around them, but not necessarily positive in me, just more on them.
Anyways, just needed to get some things off my chest, so to speak, and out there .. writing takes a little too long and typing is much more convenient, plus there's spell check and the text looks and reads well.
Heh, funnily it's a good thing that people don't read these .. well, not that I know of anyway.
I think I'm slipping back to my old ways of depression .. it's always been like that it's almost normal, which is worrying if this was happening to a friend, so yeah I'm aware I'm doing no good to myself .. and I try and try to stop hurting myself, physically .. mentally and emotionally, and yeah I stop hurting myself physically but mentally & emotionally .. it's getting worse.
Now I wish people read these, and let me know that they are .. or at least let me know there's someone bothered enough to care to read these, know me .. understand me.
Maybe after I die, I'll still be trapped either here or in limbo, because I probably wouldn't know what 'unfinished business' I have to finish .. aside from 'living to the max' which I doubt could ever happen after death.

Sometimes, I just wish I didn't exist at all.

L.

` Music && Soul v.24

Album Cover: Dolly - Dolly
=============================================

Song Lyrics: Dolly - Je n'veux pas rester sage

Le mal est entr
meilleur ennemi
Il sait m'abandonner
Me ramener prs de lui
Je n'veux pas rester sage
J'aime le souffre et l'envie
Abuser de mon ge
Je n'veux pas rester sage
Le mal est ma lueur
Son ombre est ma couleur
Le mal est ma lueur
Mon parfum son odeur
Prend ton mal en douceur.

Le mal est entr
Et je sais qu'il dtruit
Qu'il pourrait me faire crever
Que reste-t-il ici ?
Je n'veux pas rester sage
J'aime le souffre et l'envie
Abuser de mon ge
Je n'veux pas rester sage
Le mal est ma lueur
Son ombre est ma couleur
Le mal est ma lueur
Mon parfum son odeur

Le mal est entr
Meilleur ennemi
Il sait m'abandonner
Je brlerais avec lui
Le mal est ma lueur
Son ombre est ma couleur
Le mal est ma lueur
Mon parfum son odeur
[x2]

=============================================

` My name, your name, OUR NAME 8D!

Mood: OMG, normal
Chewing: Extra Spearmint gum [eww ..]
Listening to: Kidneythieves - Layers
================================

ello elloz, darlings ~

Today marks the 7th day of the 7th month in the o'seven year :o how wickedly awesome, yah?!
The lucky date, you could say .. oh, how I wish I had like a clover/lotus jewelery on me ;_; but alas! I do not have such things .. *le sigh* but perhaps one day I will, one day ~

Moving along! Just wanted to make a little quick entry about names I would like to give my children, if I had children .. and then I'll also have a place where I've put down all the names I've always liked and kinda keep a reminder :b .. since I'm forgetful and all, hehe ~
For a girl, I've always liked 'posh' names .. like, elegant type names .. they sound awesome too: Emilia & Ophelia [lol, yeah .. the ending sounds the same but shuddup about it, they both sound awesome-like ;P] Aimee, Genevieve, Anya, Ariel, Felicity, Lilah, Isabelle, Lucille & Penelope .. and also names that you usually don't give to a girl: Oscar, Xavier, Charlie, Clover, Logan, Umi & Eden.
As for a boy's name .. I want something really different, like Vladimir, Odin, Loki & Xavier .. for something a little common I really like the name Quentin, Oliver & Pierre.

I've also thought about names I would give to pets, depending what kind of pet it is and such.
For a cat, I've always loved the names Minx & Luna .. for a dog, I already named my little guy Rufus, now we just call him Ruphy though, but other names like Lupin sound nice too.
And that's about it for names, I guess .. I'm too lazy to look up more xD and besides, I won't be having that many kids and/or pets .. so yeah, keeping this 'list' as it is, lol ~

Thanks for stopping by!

lidia.

` Music && Soul v.23

Album Cover: Evanescence - The Open Door
=============================================

Song Lyrics: Evanescence - Snow White Queen

Stoplight lock the door
Don't look back
Undress in the dark
And hide from you
All of you

You'll never know the way your words have haunted me
I can't believe you'd ask these things of me
You don't know me
Now or ever

[Chorus]:
You belong to me, my snow white queen
There's nowhere to run so let's just get it over
Soon I'll know you'll see, you're just like me
Don't scream anymore, my love, 'cause all I want is you

Woke up in a dream
Frozen fear
All your hands on me
I can't scream
I can't scream

I can't escape the twisted way you think of me
I feel you in my dreams and I don't sleep
[Ever and ever ..]
I don't sleep

[Repeat chorus]

I can't save your life
Though nothing I bleed for is more tormenting
I'm losing my mind
And you just stand there
And stare as my world divides

[Repeat chorus]

All I want is you [x3]

[Ever and ever
Ever and ever]

=============================================

` Some eighteen ...

Mood: Lousy as hell
Eating: Tomato Sauce flavoured Biskits
Listening to: nothing ..
===============================

extreme bitching, darlings ~

It's my b'day party and I'll cry if I want to, cry if I want to ..
Having only 4 and a half people remembering when it's your birthday is depressing, and make that about 3 people because mums and little brothers don't count - they're always there, it's in-built into their memories.
Paul, Anna & Poli were the only ones to remember - as of yet - and the twins were the only ones so far that've given me a present ... my dad says he would come home with something for me but didn't, only to chuck a spaze and get annoyed at me instead - how lovely *rolls eyes*

I went shopping with my mum, brother and friend .. but I ended up not getting anything 'cause all the pandas were dodgy and/or expensive and down right non left at all, AND I got my heels hurting since my slip ons are stupid shits.
I look like crap 'cause I've got pimple scars on my forehead and I feel like crap since my 'resolution' to lose weight totally didn't happen. But even more so that I'm fussy and wanted people to make a fuss over my b'day but didn't get anything much really .. I feel lousy.

I want panda plushies, I want people to wish me a happy birthday and give me presents and have a cake and party and drink up, and just have people be happy with the places I like to go to and remember when it's my birthday. I mean it's not that hard, the day before Elizabeth's b'day - how hard is that to remember?! Not venting this out on her but just saying .. it's not that hard to forget, seriously.

Give me the world and I'll still want more ... whatever.

lidia.

` Music && Soul v.22

Album Cover: Darren Hayes - The Tension and The Spark
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Song Lyrics: Darren Hayes - Unlovable

Are my lips unkissable?
Are my eyes unlookable?
Is my skin untouchable?
Am I unlovable?

Cynical, jaded, faithless, disappointed, disillusioned, used
If I could take back all my sweat, my tears, my sex, my joy I would
My time, my love, my effort, passion, dedication
In case of mistaken identity I gave these things to you
If I sound angry, bitter, sad, infatuated, it's the truth
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, just a few
Stages of acceptance that it's really over
It's just so complicated and I'm stupid for believing in you

You make me feel like my father never loved me
You make me feel like the act of love is empty
Am I so unlovable?
Is my skin untouchable?
Do I remind you of a part of you that you don't like?

I had your back, I held you up, I told you you were good enough
It was not reciprocated, you kept affection and yourself apart
You fed your love to me like crumbs to pigeons in the park
Sometimes I think you're satisfied to see me begging like a dog
I wasn't armoured, you were king, I gave my everything
Because sometimes you showed me just a hint of you and then
For just a moment I romanticised the notion
I can take away the torment, I can love you like they never did

You make me feel like my father never loved me (you never loved me)
You make me feel like the act of love is empty (I felt so empty)
Am I so unlovable?
Is my skin untouchable?
Do I remind you of a part of you that you don't like?

You make me feel like my mother, she abandoned me (you abandoned me)
You make me feel like the act of love is empty (I felt so empty)
Am I so unlovable?
Is my heart unbreakable?
Do I remind you of a part of you that you despise?

Are my lips unkissable?
Are my eyes unlookable?
Is my sex undoable?
Am I unlovable?
Are my words unlistenable?
Are my hands untouchable?
Am I undesirable?
Am I unlovable?

You make me feel like my father never loved me
You make me feel like the act of love is empty
Am I so unlovable?
Is my skin untouchable?
Do I remind you of a part of you that you don't like?

You make me feel like my father never loved me (you never loved me)
You make me feel like the act of love is empty (I felt so empty)
Am I so unlovable?
Is my skin untouchable?
Do I remind you of a part of you that you don't like?

You make me feel like my mother, she abandoned me (you abandoned me)
You make me feel like the act of love is empty (I felt so empty)
Am I so unlovable?
Is my heart unbreakable?
Do I remind you of a part of you that you despise?

You make me feel like my father never loved me (you never loved me)
You make me feel like my mother, she abandoned me (you abandoned me)
You make me feel like my father never loved me (you never loved me)
You make me feel like my mother, she abandoned me (you abandoned me)

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