` Another persona ? Possibly ..

elloz my lovely readers ~

As per usual, another rant.
Well, yesterday I had work. And we all know I hate working :)
So anyways, as soon as I woke up I had this feeling like I was annoyed or something.
I'm not sure exactly why .. I mean, I even wrote up a poem that sounded almost like one those heartbreak types .. but not really. I had to rush to get it submitted because I had to go to sleep.
You'd think that'll be the reason I woke up the next day feeling annoyed and aggitated, hmm?
But it wasn't, which made things a little confusing.
So I'm at work .. and I'm already feeling ticked off.
At no one in particular - that I was sure of.
But I just didn't know why I was so annoyed.
I got pretty upset yesterday, as you can probably tell.
Just, I don't know! So aggitated by everything!
If I were in someone else's shoe I'd slap myself more stupid than I already am.
Heh, I'm so harsh to myself, I realised.
Oh, and not to mention I like talking to myself too .. which is fun at times.

Moving along. Today I read the poem I wrote a few days back .. and it was pretty deep.
It didn't feel like it when I was typing it.
But then I read through it again .. and yeah. Deep.
I'm starting to wonder if I really do have a split personality .. or another me in me.
Oooh, I feel another poem coming on .. and I just lost it >_< !!
DAMMIT!!
.. I just hope it'll come back to me, eventually soon.
Oh wait .. I got it!
I need to type it up ASAP.
Ah .. there, I feel much better now .. even if it's one small line I can type from there.
Heh, Gwen Stafani's song What You Waiting For is playing at the moment .. it's funky shyte.
I loved the clip for it .. so colourful and fun.
I so want her costumes she wore .. so off topic!!

Anyways, I think that's just about what I wanted to type out.
For now.
I bet when I post this I'm gonna be like holy BEEP I type a lot.
And as it turns out, I bet I will end up typing a lot.
I would write .. but I get lazy so pressing on buttons is a whole lot more fun.
.. Buttons are fun to push *resists pressing dangerous buttons*
Sooooooooo, thanks for reading ~

xox Lids

` Music && Soul v.7

Album Cover: "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield
=============================================
Song Lyrics: Natasha Bedingfield - "Unwritten"

I ... I

I am unwritten
Can't read my mind
I'm undefined.
I'm just beginning
The pen's in my hand
Ending unplanned

[Bridge]
Starring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

[Chorus]
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Yeah
Oh, oh

I break tradition
Sometimes my tries
Are outside the lines, oh yeah
We've been conditioned
To not make mistakes
But I can't live that way, oh

[Bridge] & [Chorus]

Ooh, ooh, ooh, yeah, ooh, ooh, yeah ..

[Chorus]

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ..
The rest is still unwritten
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ..
The rest is still unwritten

=============================================

` A Moment Of Illness

elloz my lovely readers ~

Just thought I needed an update.
Though of course, as per usual - nothing much has happened.
Nothing new.
Well, except I feel sick.
And I really hate feeling that way.
It feels too warm in my room .. probably because I've got my little brother and cousin and myself in my room.
One little room + body heat with clothes on and no physical contact = humid & hot!
I also feel slightly dizzy .. which might be because I had a few chocolate bloack for lunch and my breakfast consisted of this protein drink, strawberry flavour!
My neck hurts from working yesterday.
My neck always hurts after work and the day after too. The screens a usually really low and I'm a slightly tallish person.
Oh, did I also mention I've got my periods.
Heh .. definately not a good combo I tell ya.

Argh! I hate the warm weather feeling!!
It's already Autumn here and it's still fkn hot!
I swear, we've polluted this world for so long now, that the weather is going crazy on us.
It's no wonder we've got so many natural disasters happening all over the world.
Pssh, and people believe that God is bringing doom and gloom.
It'sbecausewepollutedtheworld!!
Yes, I would have to say I'm one of the many contributors that's leading this planet into Doom's Day.
If we were only more conservitive in the very beginning, perhaps we wouldn't have had a hole in our o-zone layer .. which actually split into two and apparently it's shrunk.
Apparently.
Heh, it's hardly talked about nowadays.
Governments .. trying to hide everything away from us.
In some cases it's good, doesn't cause panic.
Other times, we need to panic. Our planet is in danger.
Sometimes I wonder .. will there be a future generation?

Moving along, my brother and cousin are playing my game, Dead Or Alive 3 on Xbox.
I want the new one, the Xbox 360.
But, we can't always get what we want. Heck, I can't even afford one.
So there.
Ow, my butt hurts like hell.
I need to eat something .. hungry as.
And I seriously can't be stuffed to move .. but I need to change soon.
Sucks being a girl sometimes!
My legs are going to go completely numb soon if I don't move.
Whatever.
I think I'll just leave this blog entry at that.
So, you all take care now ~
And thank you for viewing!

xox Lids

` Few of the many adorations

Just a little rant about some stuff that I absolutely adore.

First off, is a short story I found on the internet while searching for some good horror stories and stuff on vampires.
Pssh, vampires are awesome.
So what if I have a little fetish for blood and every time someone mentions it I get hungry?
Well, I can't help it.
So please don't bother telling me to grow up, because I have.
I just hang on to some peculiar habits and likings.
Okay?
Good.

Now, for the story. A little warning: Not for the faint hearted!
It's called True Born Vampire and was written by DustinBowcott.
I prefer to give you all a link, so people don't go telling me off.
All I'm doing is featuring it by title and author.
That's it.
I just want people I know that reads this, to check out the story in it's original place.
So I'm not taking any credit for the story or anything, just putting here so whoever reads my blogs can have stuff to do else where, therefore going to someone else's page and helping them, not me.

And now, I will be featuring an artist who I just adore.
Her main theme revolves mostly around blood, dark and gothic like genres.
Here, I will be linking 3 of my most favourite artworks of hers.

Artist: Jenni Tapanila aka `suzi9mm

First one on the left is called the mind

The second one, in the center is called royal games
And lastly, the one on the right is called silent night is the night

These artworks do NOT belong to me.
They belong to Jenni Tapanila aka `suzi9mm.
So please visit her page for more of her fantastic works.

Right. Now that that's been said and done I need to get off soon.
ihateworking
Yeah .. I got work @ 4:30PM today, and it's already almost 3 PM.
Anyways! Please go check out the awesometastic story and the wonderful artworks at their original place.
SAY NO TO ART THEFT!
I've only showed them here because I absolutely adore them, and I am in no way wanting to steal their credit, or their works, at all!!
This is just showing a little loving.
I've linked the images back to it's original places I first noticed them, by the original artist.
So don't go freakin' copying and saying it's yours.
Heck, you'll get motormouthed for the rest of your life if you do.
Not to mention you'll get a couple of thousand people banging on your door for your blood.
So be smart, and don't steal.
Thanks for viewing ~

xox Lids

` Music && Soul v.6

This song has got to be one of my most favourite songs ever recorded in history.
No one else I believed, could sing it better than the original singer himself:
Louis Armstrong [August 4th, 1901 - July 6th, 1971]
God bless him.
No lyrics needed in this. It's very easy to follow along.
Enjoy ~
=============================================
Louis Armstrong - "What A Wonderful World" in London, 1968

` Music && Soul v.5

I first saw this music video on the SBS Australia channel.
Even though I was very young at that time, this song lingered in my mind for nearly a decade.
I didn't quite understand the video, but I stopped everything else and just watched.
I finally got the name of the song and I was extremely happy that I did.
I finally understand the video and the song now. It brings me peace of mind to be able to know.
This music video, shows us how we are all one.
We may live in different parts of the world, have different cultures and ideas about our ways
But in the end we're all alike and the same.
=============================================
Deep Forest - "Sweet Lullaby"

` Music && Soul v.4

Album Cover: The Butterfly Effect - Imago
=============================================

Song: "Gone" by The Butterfly Effect

I'm all alone on the road
This high water tied underneath the flood
In desserts of dust if I must I will stand

These are my promises

I hope you're winning the war
To make everything like it was before
All that we were we can still be again

I swear

I'm afraid you're gone

I don't want you
I don't want you to go
I've got the sun in my eyes
I didn't see you passing me by
I just wanted you
I just want you to know

Inside of me, forever you'll go

Now I just wanna go home
Carried by all that was ever known
Held in these hands if I must I will stand

Given these promises

Now I've been running too long
These feet are too tired to carry on
Weighing us down if you're gone I will drown

I'm afraid you're gone

I don't want you
I don't want you to go
I've got the sun in my eyes
I didn't see you passing me by
I just wanted you
I just want you to know

If forever exists
Inside me forever you'll go
If forever exists

I've got the sun in my eyes
I didn't see you passing me by
Now I've been running too long
To carry on

I don't want you
I don't want you to go
I've got the sun in my eyes
I'm afraid you're gone

If forever exists
Inside me is where you belong

If forever exists

=============================================
Music video clip: The Butterfly Effect - "Gone"

` Music && Soul v.3

If you want to live, let live
If you want to go, let go
I'm not afraid to dream - to sleep, sleep forever

I don't need to touch the sky
I just want to feel that high
And you refuse to let me

Guess it wasn't real after all, aah
Guess it wasn't real all along

If I fall and all is lost
It's where I belong

If you want to live, let live
If you want to go, let go
I'm never gonna be your sweet, sweet surrender

Guess it wasn't real after all, aah
Guess it wasn't real all along

If I fall and all is lost
No light to lead the way
Remember that all alone is where I belong

In a dream
Will you give your love to me?
Beg my broken heart to beat
Save my life
Change my mind

If I fall and all is lost
No light to lead the way
Remember that all alone is where I belong

Evanescence - "Cloud Nine"

` Don't give up v.2 [keep going]

AAHH!!
I so need to get into that mood of drawing!!
You know, that creative feeling of wanting to make something.
Argh .. I've lost it for a while back but I think it's coming back now, thanks to Lidia.
No, not me - my friend Lidia ;P
The one that I draw a pic for ? Yeah, that's her!
So, yeah .. hopefully I'll get into the mood to draw something.
I mean, I've got like the idea of drawing in my head and poses and the outfits, everything.
I just need to get it down on paper.
Of course, the way I think it up in my head looks freakin' hella awesome .. but once I put pencil to paper, it all just fucks up x_x it's annoying!
I can never get the right lines or shapes, it's like my arms refuse to follow what my brain tells it to!

Oh, I remember when I was working one of the customers was like I'd like to put the amount on their card, and I acknowledge that in my head and even repeat what they've said
Then my fingers go and press the 'pay in cash' button.
FKN HELL! Had to get my supervisors to fix it up - three times!!
How embarrasing is that? Rhetorical
I kept apologising to the customers whose sales I kept screwing up.
Luckily, the people were extremely considerate to me and were super nice about it all.
Phew!
I was kinda moody that day I think, after stressing over how I kept screwing up the sales and all, so it was really nice of them to be really nice to me.
I'm forever grateful to them!!

Moving along, like I said in the beginning.
I want to get back into the mood of wanting to make something, draw .. whatever.
I just want to get back into my good ol' habits again, like I used to back when I was younger.
Heck, I probably used up all that creative feeling mood.
Everytime I look around my room, I see lots of stuff that I think and say, heck I thought of making that?
And seriously, I did.
I'm not blabbering about how good I am, I'm just saying that wow I was really into designing stuff and making things.
Farrr ~
I want that mood back - pronto! LoLs ~

Anyways, I think that's about it.
Just wanted to BLAB in general, really.
Ugh .. I think I'll go eat after tweeking around the laptop a little more.
So, until then you lovely readers take care now!

xox Lids

` Don't give up

Another oh, inspirational vid for you lovely readers to watch.

"Impossible Is Nothing"

` Music && Soul v.2

EVANESCENCE LYRICS

"Lose Control"

You don't remember my name.
I don't really care.
Can we play the game your way?
Can I really lose control?

Just once in my life,
I think it'd be nice.
Just to lose control, just once.
With all pretty flowers in the dust.

Mary had a lamb.
His eyes black as coals.
If we play very quiet, my lamb.
Mary never has to know.

Just once in my life,
I think it'd be nice.
Just to lose control, just once.

If I cut you down to a thing I can use,
I fear they'll be nothing good left of you.

` Music && Soul v.1

NELLY FURTADO LYRICS

"All Good Things (Come To An End)"

Honestly, what will become of me
Don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
But really, life is daily
We are what we don't see
Missed everything daydreaming

[Chorus]
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Come to an end, come to an
Why do all good things come to an end
Come to an end, come to an
Why do all good things come to an end

Traveling, I only stop at exits
Wondering if I'll stay
Young and restless
Living this way I stress less
I want to pull away when the dream dies
The pain sets it and I don't cry
I only feel gravity and I wonder why

[Repeat Chorus]

Well the dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon, so that they could
Dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon, so that they could
Die, die, die, die, die~!

[Repeat Chorus]

Well the dogs were barking at the new moon
Whistling a new tune
Hoping it would come soon
And the sun was wondering if it should
stay away for a day 'til the feeling went away
And the sky was falling on the clouds were dropping and
the rain forgot how to bring salvation

The dogs were barking at the new moon
Whistling a new tune
Hoping it would come soon so that they could die ~

` Another visual round, please!

And now, ladies and gentlemen.
It's time for another round of vidoes!!
Because after I saw the vid I just had to share it on my blog and let you lovely readers see.
But this time, it'll be an actual music video - who's music and visuals I just adore even more nowadays.

My Chemical Romance - "I Don't Love You"

Lost && Frutrated @ everything ..

Just another rant.
You have been warned!

.. *sigh* I've just been really lost and frustrated lately. Like, extremely lost && frustrated.
Not to say the least bit annoyed as well.
Alright, to start off I'm frustrated because of my dad. And why's that?
Because his always so .. ARGH !!!!!!!!!!!!!
One way to put it, I suppose. Just, he totally doesn't know or understand me, one bit whatsoever.
Pfft, like he'd know what kind of things I'll succeed in life with or not.
ifkn<3art
And he wants me to do something like 'buisness' or 'accounting' [no offence to those that heart that kind of thing, it's just that it ain't my kind of thing].
I seriously have absolutely no interest in that kind of area .. and I'm not particularly good at it either, and well put it simply - I don't like it.
I like to follow the philosophy that we do things because we want to oursevles, and not because we were either told/foreced to do so, which completely pisses me off.

Yes, I have told him directly that I have no interest in that kind of thing and I'm not good at it, and I think it's best that I stick to something I enjoy doing and am good at, or at least have the know-how - which I do.
Grrrr ... so you might think I'm just being a spoilt little brat [partly true], but the thing is he wants everything his way, and quite frankly that is NOT going to happen in the future.
Right now I have no choice much, since I'm supposedly living in his house [totally ignoring that his sweet, dear wife is out of the picture .. as in he doesn't really include my mum in much of these "discussions" or whatnot] and he goes on about how his so pissedoffangryfrustrated that he got such idiotic children [I'm first born then I gots my 'lil bro] .. and complains and whines && complains and whines .. etc.
Ha! We [referring to my brother and I] get fknpissedoffangryfrustrated too .. it's like he thinks we're not old enough to understand those type of feelings. Seriously .. he needs to wake up or someone bitch slap him upside, hopefully knock some sense into that stubborn, hard-headed brain of his.


[I could go on and on and on, etc about my dad, really.]

But, what's the point? He wants us to change .. he wants us to be smart and rich and know everything.
GAH!! How am I suppose to know so many things when the only connection to the outside world is the internet .. I wouldn't even consider TV much of a connection anymore since my daddy dearest got himself a huge ass satallite and watches the Chinese channels 24/7, so I'm barely in touch with the real world .. and the phone? Pfft, I forgot what that thing is long time ago. I only use it when my manager or supervisors ring me from work, or I pick up the phone only to have the phonecall not for me anyways.
Now that I think about it, I don't even go online on MSN much anymore.
I know why though .. but it's kinda personal [pfft, my dad issue isn't personal .. whole different thing there - I'll share a lot there if you ask] so I don't really want to dulge into it too much.
Sorries dearies.

Anyways, my dad is probably the reason why I've been frustrated lately.
Or perhaps maybe, being cooped up inside the house almost 24/7 is driving me to complete insanity .. and I'm already pretty much not so sane anymore in the first place.

Sooooooo .. what's been making me feel so lost?
Hmmm .. eh, probably the fact I'm a dreamer and I'm always not paying much attention to the world because I like to escape to my La La Land where I feel much better? Hmmmm ??
Probably .. and then again, it's just that I'm like this.
This sort of person that has their heads in the clouds sort of deal. But I do come back down to earth every now and again, don't you worry about that!
I guess I've always been the type of person that has never truly understand what it is in life I want .. what I want to do in this life, what I want to be .. what I could be.
I don't think I'll ever truly 100% know for sure .. I'm a very unsure, insecure && paranoid person - which doesn't help any bit!!
Sometimes, I can go to the extreme and just want to .. well, not be here anymore. But then I'm scared shitless to try to kill myself .. heh, no wonder I can't achieve anything. I'm always so scared.

It's strange, I can blab and rant and rave as much as I want here.
Then when I feel like I want to talk about it .. I can't. And, I don't know exactly who to.
So I suppose that's why I create so many blogs, and whatnot .. places where I can put my thoughts down.
Even if no one reads these, it doesn't matter too much .. of course I would appreciated it a lot if people did read this and let me know they're reading this .. trying to understand a simple-minded complex human being. Aren't we all? Complex?

Then there are other times when I'm still thinking I don't want to exist, but still want to live.
Like, have a different identity .. living a different, happier life where I know what I want to do with my life, and be able to pursade them.
Unfortunately, I'm not like that .. hardly.
But .. a girl can dream. Something which my dad doesn't want me to do.

[I've also unfortunately, adopted my dad's habits from ranting and raving on all accounts of stuff .. going back and forth, and so on. Almost never ending.
Sorries if I'm driving you insane, but I did warn you]

Blah! I just don't know.
I'm getting that feeling again .. daydreaming sort of, and it feels nice.
It's hard to explain what one's feeling, ay? Oh wells.
It's sort of nostalgic, and like deja vu .. and dreaming all at the same time.
Heh .. when I feel like this I usually somehow end up making a poem .. but I already forgot what words I wanted to use.
Oh wells! It's what happens .. life for ya.
Gotta write/type things down before I forget. I've got a horrible memory LoLs ~

I'm a weird person, but I only figured that out a long couple of years ago.
My mum told me that when I was born I didn't cry, and when I grew a little older like todiler age, I didn't talk much.
I remember she told me that I probably knew that my life was going to be like this .. something I didn't particular enjoy wholely.
I mean, I adore my mum .. even if it doesn't seem so.
She's extremely cute sometimes, and such a kid and rebel at heart. She's like my idol.
And, I'm proud to say she's my mum.
I love my mummy!

[screw that part where it says I love my daddy .. pfft!!]

Back to my mummy, [yes, I will forever call her that] I think she's like the good and warm, welcoming person that evens out my dad's evil and cold demeanor.
Still though, if my parents were ever to split .. hmmm, that's another long story I would go with my mum for sure, no questions asked.
Sure, my dad works and gets money and is more able to work .. while my mum is fragile at the look, but still pretty strong physically, mentally && emotionally plus she's the one that knows how to deal with people way better than my dad.

ANYWAYS!!!!!! I best be shutting up now .. this blog window is kinda stuffing up on me.
If I have any spelling errors, it's because I don't really pay attention when I'm typing && I don't go back to spell check it either 8D !!
Wonderful, isn't it?! Really .. no need to answer that >_>"
Well, thank you if you've read all that.
Even if you don't reply I'm really grateful that you even took the time to read all of that jibberish I type and call just another daily blog xwx I love to type by the way xD so that would explain it.

[EDIT: If you're wondering why this blog looks weird, it's because the fkn blog window thing really f'd up on me :) No, I'm not really happy about it .. duh]

Again, thanks for reading.

xox Lids