` Doctor, doctor, I think I'm crazy!

Mood: Drained
Now playing: Linkin Park - Numb
via FoxyTunes
----------------

darlings~

I got that email submission thingy sorted .. and will be looking after the poetry section a little more properly @ Gothopia.
I had to personally message KS to get my answer - no offense L_L but that just doesn't cut it.
Oh well, no one's perfect anyway!

Will be going to the doctors today, around 5 p.m. in about, oh .. 3 years? LOOL~
I won't be getting a blood check today *phew* because you'll need to do that in the morning, since you're suppose to not eat the night before .. and yeah, would be pretty extra weak if I went and got my one done.
But about going today, in truth, I'm nervous because I'm getting my 'mental health' checked up on .. my mum and I are gonna see if I need 'therapy' of any sorts. If I went to a psychologist, I doubt I could afford it so I'll have to only go to a free-service councilor/therapist, either is fine, as long as I'll be able to learn to deal with my .. mental health issues.
So far, I'm betting they'll diagnose me with Dysthymia and anxiety disorder, possibly just the normal type, perhaps even obsessive-compulsive ..oh, and I also bet they'll see me as mildly bipolar too.

The joys.
Hmm .. TAFE is going to start back up soon, and I've yet to finish off my Typo collect-types assessment - bugger~



.lidia

` Music && Soul v.39; Dido

Album Cover: Dido - No Angel
=============================================

Song Lyrics: Dido - Here With Me
---
I didn't hear you leave
I wonder how am I still here
I don't want to move a thing
It might change my memory

Oh, I am what I am
I'll do what I want, but I can't hide
And I won't go, I won't sleep
I can't breathe, until you're resting here with me
And I won't leave, I can't hide
I cannot be, until you're resting here with me

I don't want to call my friends
They might wake me from this dream
And I can't leave this bed
Risk forgetting all that's been

[Chorus]:
Oh, I am what I am
And I'll do what I want, but I can't hide
And I won't go, I won't sleep
And I can't breathe, until you're resting here with me
And I won't leave, I can't hide
I cannot be, until you're resting here

[Verse]:
And I won't go, and I won't sleep
And I can't breathe, until you're resting here with me
And I won't leave, and I can't hide
I cannot be, until you're resting here with me

[Repeat chorus & verse]

=============================================

` When the world comes crumbling/ R.I.P Heath Ledger ..

Mood: Euphoria & contemplative
Now playing: Kylie Minogue - in your eyes
via FoxyTunes
----------------

darlings~

I'm still sleepy .. work called me up and asked if I could work, so it woke me up and well .. made up some bull saying I can't make it in at 13 o'hour .. and that's it, heh.
I just can't be bothered to go in when I finally have a day off work .. seriously, they got me working so much I've hardly had time to just go out.

My friends have been inviting me to go out and celebrate birthdays and Aus day, but I can never make it all because of work.
I'll be back to TAFE soon, and I doubt I'll be able to go out with the girls .. it worries me that they will start to think I'm getting reclusive - slightly true, but mostly I just want to hang out with them really *sigh* .. I miss them lot.
I did get a chance to meet up with them at Anny's place, but it was merely a get together, something small and not everyone could go even.
Now with events that are a little flashy, I can't make them at all and I feel crap when I can't .. it feels like I'm letting them down.
It wouldn't surprise me if they soon forget about me .. but somehow I doubt I'd let it get to that.
I don't know .. I just miss having a normal enough social life, in my standards, and just 'enjoy' myself for once.

One good thing that did happen yesterday though.
I was able to catch up a bit with Nathan - which I'm glad of - and get a feel of socialising a bit.
In truth, I was actually looking up chat logs of our convos - I missed the guy!
He was a lot of fun to talk to again, and we missed each other dearly - his a really sweet guy.
I was suppose to have a meet-up with him over the holidays .. but, I'm working and his working .. who knows when we'll ever get to meet up!
So I'm a bit sad about that part, haha, though we'll probably end up talking about sexual stuff .. well, he will keep thinking that way at least!
I just hope we can find some time in our calendars to have a meet-up soon~

Ooh, and I'm using two mouses at the moment.
A track-ball-mouse for regular use and wireless-scroll-mouse for gaming!
I've tried using the track ball and it's hard to move a little, so yeah .. the batteries keep dying too often whenever I'm gaming with using the one scroll mouse so using two now, to save up the battery power, lool~
And another thing!
I've now got a Admin status on my little haunting, Gothopia .. I look after the poems.
But I've yet to get it all sorted with the submissions/email thing .. just waiting to hear back from KS or Loki_Lust.
C'mon guys, help me help you out sooner! Haha~

Well, I think that's about the updating I'll do for now.
No such luck with my creativeness getting under and away .. oh wells~



.lidia

P.S: I've also seriously considered getting some mental health - I haven't been really coping with anything, just ignoring it so, fingers crossed.
P.P.S: A little bit recent/late .. R.I.P Heath Ledger

` Music && Soul v.38; My Chemical Romance

Album Cover: My Chemical Romance - The Black Parade
=============================================

Song Lyrics: My Chemical Romance - Cancer

Turn away
If you could get me a drink
Of water, because my lips are chapped and faded
Call my Aunt Marie
Help her gather all my things
And bury me in all my favourite colours
My sisters and brothers still
I will not kiss you

'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you

Now turn away
'Cause I'm awful just to see
'Cause all my hair's abandoned off my body
Oh, my agony
Know that I will never marry
Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo
But I'm counting down the days to go

It just ain't living
And I just hope you know

That if you say
Goodbye today
I'd ask you to be true
'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you

'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you

=============================================

` Dear Shittylink, we only wanted your money.

Mood: Anxiety & raging!
Now playing: Linkin Park - No More Sorrow (www.weetart.tk)
via FoxyTunes
----------------

darlings~

Centrelink is a major bitch in the ass!
It was there fault that my payments got stuffed up, why? Because I they assumed since I'm a student that I won't work - WTF?!?! - how else are we suppose to pay off fees that are usually over a grand when applying in a tertiary-study level?
Seriously, what the fuck is that!
And when I reapplied for it, I specifically asked the person working there how I'd fill it out since I'm STILL working .. and when I got it done and got the payments, they said I was suppose to inform them again? BECAUSE THEY JUST PUT ME IN THE 'LOOKING FOR JOBS' WITHOUT ME KNOWING, EVEN WHEN SAID I WAS STILL WORKING.
Because I am such a weakling, I didn't bargain my way out and in the heat of the moment and weakness, forgot to add it was their fault in the first place, and needn't place me elsewhere and just go with what I fucking wrote on my re-application, the stupid little fucks!

But, they did do a good thing and pay my fees -meaning I already re-enrolled for TAFE and continuing to finish my course - but that money will be pointless because I have to pay pretty much what they helped me pay, to pay back to them!!!
Whatever.
I'd have to pay them back anyway, as I was overpaid so I guess it's alright .. but I got an extra 10% to pay back to them as well.
Also, the operator made me cry >:( damn right I'm not happy, Jane!
My first debt - *rolls eyes* joy..~



.lidia

` Music && Soul v.37; The Veronicas

Album Cover: The Veronicas - Hook Me Up
=============================================

Song Lyrics: The Veronicas - Untouched

I go oh oh, you go ah ah
La la la la, ah la la la .. I can la la la la la la
I wanna wanna wanna get get get
What I want, don't stop
Gimme, gimme, gimme whatcha got got
'Cause I wait wait wait any more more more more

Don't even talk about the consequence
'Cause right now you're the only thing that's making any sense to me
And I don't give a damn, what they say
Or what they think, think
'Cause you're the only one who's on my mind
I'll never ever let you leave me
I'll try to stop time forever
Never want to hear you say goodbye
[Bye x3]

[Chorus]:
I feel so untouched
And I want you so much
That I just can't resist you
It's not enough to say that I missed you
I feel so untouched right now
Need you so much, somehow
I can't forget you
I've gone crazy from the moment I met you

Untouched, un
And I need you so much

See you, breathe you, I want to be you
A la la la, ah la la la
You can take take take take take time time
To live live
The way you gotta gotta live your life
Give me, give me, give me all of you you
Don't be scared
Of seeing through the loneliness
I want it more more more
Don't even think about what's right or wrong
Or wrong or right
'Cause in the end it's only you and me
And no one else is gonna be around
To answer all the questions left behind
And you and I are meant to be
So even if the world falls down today
You still got me to hold you up up
And I would never let you down down

[Repeat chorus]

Untouched, un, untouched [x2]
Ah la la la, ah la la la
Untouched, un
Ah la la la, ah la la la

[Repeat chorus x2]

Untouched, un, untouched
Untouched, un

=============================================

` I'm going to combust from all these feelings!

Mood: [mixed]
Now playing: The Veronicas - Untouched
via FoxyTunes
----------------

darlings~

I swear, the Veronicas have some really upbeat music from their latest album; very funky stuff.
And so much more in your face now, sort of, because they no longer just go oh woe, they really sing it loud and proud.
So yeah, I couldn't help but look into their songs more .. and downloaded just a few, the rest of them had too much of a weird type of beat to them that I didn't quite like.
I think the one song that got my searching was 'Untouched' - that has brilliant used of instruments and syncs!
just heart~

Just a little back from home now, after close @ the good ol' Franklins.
Tired and sore, but that's to be expected.
And Leanne [my cousin], was working that night too .. and I got her to do that 'emotional IQ' to see if she was depressive or not, but like I thought she got A's most of the time, LOOL, while I had all D's which meant I was suffering from something like depression, anxiety or bipolar disorder, hahahahahaha~!
Oh well, now it's official that I'm such an emo like person.
OH, and after a while almost close, Leanne thinks I should be on medication .. said I might also suffer from excessive-compulsive disorder, but I suggested I think I should get some anti-depressants so I'll be more happy-seeming.
What a laugh!

And last but not least, I need to be going to TAFE tomorrow to go re-enrol for my course and pray I have everything I need on that day *fingers crossed* it'll take too long to get back home to get my things .. here's to hoping!!

Anyway, I need to be ready for a shower after daddy dearest finishes his.
I should be eating dinner, but I don't feel like digesting this late at night .. so I'll pass, hahaha!!
I feel a little bit too psycho .. oh wells~



.lidia

` Dreamworlds are only in dreams, unfortunately.

Mood: Tired
Now playing: Sneaky Sound System - Tease me
via FoxyTunes
----------------

darlings~

I couldn't sleep properly last night because I kept thinking about how Centrelink stuffed up my pay, and I was suppose to report my income but they no longer send those letters to tell you when so all this time I didn't know and I'll have to write down how much I earned from July till December last year .. and I don't have much time left to do it and I'm totally stressing.
It's their fault, but I still gotta fix the shit they left.

Whenever I worry about something, I really worry .. non-stop.

I've been feeling very withdrawn.
With the stressing over Centerlink and all .. and also because it's been a long while since I've been out long enough with friends, or talked to someone on the net.
I know, can't have everything you want .. still though, I miss talking to someone.
But then, when they do talk to me I don't to talk to them ? It's so confusing ..

Oh, and also last night I was thinking about the book I read before, The Autumn Castle by Kim Wilkins .. I love the adventure in it, the dangers .. but they didn't need to stress about Centerlink, just work and have some money but they could just carry on with their days .. they just needed to stress over relationships .. and later, the main character gets to run away from it all into a beautiful world where there isn't any pain or suffering, where you can stay young and beautiful for much longer .. you don't get sick, you don't have to work that hard.
At that time, when I was lying in bed .. I thought, it would be great if such a world exists .. and maybe, I can even find someone to love me there to, who will always be by my side.
*sigh*

If such a world exists .. I'd love to go there now.

Also before I went to sleep, I was watching I Am Legend, and farout it is touching.
It's kinda like Resident Evil, except the 'virus' was suppose to be a cure for cancer that turned wrong and started killing people instead and turned lethal-deadly.
I started crying when Will's character's dog Samantha dies .. I just cried so badly and then felt really bad about my doggy, Rufus/Ruphy.

So yeah, I was tossing and turning a lot when I was supposedly asleep.
All the more to want to escape from it all .. and bring along a few people and things with me, but just a few~



.lidia

` Music && Soul v.36; Sia

Album Cover: Sia - Color The Small One

=============================================

Song Lyrics: Sia - Sunday

For those who've slept
For those who've kept
Themselves jacked up
How Jesus wept
Sunday
Sunday

For those in need
For those who speed
For those who try
To slow their minds with weed
Sunday
Sunday

For those who wake
With a blind headache
Who must be still
Who will sit and wait
For Sunday, to be Monday

[Bridge]:
Yeah, it will be ok
Do nothing today
Give yourself a break
Let your imagination run away

For those with guilt
For those who wilt
Under pressure
No tears over spilt milk
Sunday
Sunday

Sunday
Sunday [x2]

[Repeat bridge x2]

=============================================

` Yeah yeah, new years .. fuck

Mood: Sleepy
Now playing: Tegan and Sara - You Wouldn't Like Me
via FoxyTunes
----------------

darlings~

Finally, the new years have come.
And about time too .. I was getting restless just waiting, sheesh!

Now I don't usually blog so early in the mornings [like before 12 is much too early], but thing is, today will be one of those unwritten rule of having to go to relatives' place and give out some red envelopes .. I doubt I'll get some this year, since I'm working and a little too 'old' for it now.
I got disturbed-up'd .. so now I'm awake and all, and seeing how I don't update as usual I thought, what the heck.

Since new years is here, that also means Dad and little bro will be coming back from their Melbourne trip.
It also means, I now don't have much time to fix up the crap Centrelink got my into with my Youth Allowance and reporting my income because, they no longer send those letters out anymore - like I was suppose to know without anyone informing me of it!!
Plus, I'll have to fix all that and pay off my TAFE fee if Shittylink won't pay for me .. and someone travel all the way to my campus when I'm free - which is hardly ever .. fuck!

New Years is exciting, but it's also the time for 'new' stress to emerge.
So Happy fuckin' New Years to you all too~


.lidia