in birth and passing.

dear lovelies,

it has been will be a strange sort of july.
i say this because the first thing that marks july for me is my grandpa's anniversary.
he was a stern man, my mum comments that she used to be afraid of him
but not because he would go ape-shit like mine, merely his strict look did the trick.
my mum also comments on how she wished she'd spent more time with him.
i wonder if i'll look back and think the same about mine? who knows.

then something wonderful albeit saddening happens;
i finally turn into a legalized adult and leave my adolescents behind.
finally, i turn 21 years of age.
my friends took me out in the morning to go shopping and treat me.
got to indulge in my chocolate-sin, yum!
- cue work transition -
later in the evening, a nice pizza-filled dinner with family and friends.
nothing big though mind you, just a nice small gathering of good people
which makes me both happy and sad.
anyway.

not too long after, from here and there I found out one of my work-mate's has passed.
she was younger than i was, had so much more going for her.
although i didn't get the chance to really hang out with her, i am beyond privileged
to have been in her life, how ever minute.
i was suppose to get more of that chocolate powder mix she recommended,
but there was none on the shelves anymore.

i have been in the process of healing myself;
from myself, for myself.
take care.

xo

-- lidia.

mutantTEETH&othermishaps

lovelies~

i got an x-ray done for my teeth.
turns out i have pretty badly positioned teeth, though they're 'straight' enough as it is.
i have a feeling they'll pull out a number of teeth, not just my 3rd molars [wisdom teeth]
but also this mutant tooth that's growing inside the gum, on top of another tooth that was suppose to fall out when i was a kid, but never did!
i also think i'll have to get braces too D: so much money [that i don't have! bye bye moving out this year…]

already hurting my wallet as it is
spending so much since i got a debit card which allows me to buy things online without paypal, for now
[ still waiting for them to 'deposit' those small amounts to verify account!! ]
but got myself some nice online sales while it lasted, ohohoho~
seriously though, i need to save more!

… let us hope i learn to do so soon, plz.

xo

--lidia.

warmer weather.

lovelies,

got my schooling stuff sorted!
skipped a whole year and starting off from the 2nd :)
i'm thinking about doing a 3rd year
hopefully the job markets don't think i'll be too old then!
as well as TAFE/college
i'm undertaking an online Uni course

so, this is my thinking:

1. successfully complete diploma while also undertaking online course
2. look for job / continue with a 3rd year
3. complete advanced diploma / look for job / still doing online course
4. get job / continue course until
5. complete
6. pay back fees / while in job

at least, that's how i've planned it all out anyway :\
not everything goes according to plan so!
FINGERS CROSSED!

getting back home after classes is interesting
once got a rough looking gentleman comment positively on my looks
even throwing in that he should have married me
[hahaha!]
then another time, i'm waiting for the train
it's a warm day so i'm fanning myself and an elderly man
comments whether or not my fan is working,
slightly i reply and he laughs and decides to sit down next to me
[one should note there are plenty of other places to sit]

anyway, he asks if i'm a student or not and what i'm studying for
and goes on about something genuinely interesting facts
things such as investing in equipment now, so i can later can them tax free
or something similar, and get my own business name registered
have a company started now too, so by the time i finish school
i'll be hitting the road running :)
talked a while once our train arrived and boarded.
though i think was starting to feel light headed facing one direction
while the train was moving another direction
[i'm sensitive like that, unfortunately!]
well, time for me to take my pit stop while he travels by
-- mostly him just talking and me listening and trying my best to be responsive enough.

so yes, some interesting albeit strange people one can meet on their travels.

xo

-- lidia.

orientation day.

hello there children/kids/lovelies.

after successfully NOT completing my course first time round
i've gone back to re-enrol for a whole course duration
though i'll be needing to talk to some teachers about recognition of prior learning :\
thus, because i was fresh out of high school into college/TAFE
i was highly unprepared for 'matured learning'
my head just refused to want to learn anymore than it already did for the past 13 years of my early life
and i believe, lead to my downfall and therefore!
when i reapply for my course, my classmates will be majority made of people younger than me

i find this strange and all too new because most of my life was spent feeling too young
as i was usually one of the younger peers within my group of friends and associates.
nevertheless, change happens and i must learn to deal!

anyway~
to my story of attending my newly enrolled course orientation day
i woke up later than i should have, which had me in a major panic
and not to mention i'm an extremely anxious person with little to no patience actually
thankfully my mummy was able to drive me to the station
the closest being at least 20 minutes drive, plus the traffic due to schooling hours
takes about another hour or so to actually get to my college's station where i need to get off
THANK GOODNESS for express not-really-express trains!
[ by the by, i saw my cousin Sally get off the station just before my half-way stop off ;P ]
basically the faster train i would usually get, with bonus advantage of even fewer stops
(luckily for me too!)
well, i'd still need to walk at least 20 minutes extra after departing from the train but again
another good moment was that the road/walk-way goes down so like, even faster walking!
and i'm a fairly fast-ish walker too, so once more, bonus!
AND, by the time i get there i could still spare a good 50 minutes to go sort out my travel concessions :P
worrying for nothing? well, almost but still i have to say, someone was making sure things ran smoothly for me (thank you recent and past onward relatives! ><)

possibly the only downer for the outcome of all this
was i had to cancel a shift at work, last minute [eep!] when the bosses and such have already gone through telling all the workers to stop cancelling last minute
–– not to mention it was one of the managers that picked up my call too!!
i just hope he was able to sort out my cancelling of that shift for that one day ><"
and that i DON'T get fired!!!! [i've already been counselled for other things, see…]
&&& it was warm weather so that left me feeling all dizzy and sickly and sweaty, yucky.
so not a very nice walk UPHILL to get back to the train station and make a slow way back home, bleh.

but overall, the orientation itself was a whole lot more informative than the last college/TAFE i attended.
got some handouts and proper folders and all that spiffy-cool stuff; very 'professional'.
but one would hope so! being that it's known not just as a college/TAFE but a design centre.
PFFT, fees went down but now they add extra costs … 'materials charge' they say.
still! much more organised as well with what goes on first and such.

but enough of that.
i'll be needing to get my head into the game, for real this time
–– applied for an online Uni course too! so double the amount, and even more self-motivating!!
wish me luck.

xo

– lidia.

psychic reading.

don't you just hate it when people assume the worst of you?
i sure do. bugs me to the core actually.
if anything, with much hoping i'll be away from said person :)

moving along!
i recently got a psychic reading done for me
-- very exciting stuff!
the main question i asked was about my career path
whether or not i'm on the right track of sorts
but mostly i guess i was feeling like i'd like to know my future, in general.
the lady-psychic must have picked up on that
pin-pointed some stuff that made me laugh and cry.

was told without having dealed the deck that there's someone controlling around me
[ that's too true! straight up as well. ]
but that i'll be alright, i will move out soon and hopefully find a good place
to rent as a group, so it's cheaper and more affordable obviously.
she even advised me on these things! which i'm entirely grateful for

if one has not noticed
i really appreciated people telling me the extra info
as i'm the type of person too shy to ask these things.

anyway, she tells me to take my mummy out more
make her feel beautiful again because said controlling, assume-the-worst person [ my father ]
has just really 'ripped her apart' and makes my mummy feel so bad
and i really am a mummy's girl!
so that hit a chord, meaning yes i shed a tear or two.
lady-psychic goes on to tell me that my mum will break away from my dad
[ YESSSSS! ]
as soon as i find my own feet in life, and such.
i cannot wait for this to happen and yes, lady-psychic pointed out i am impatient and laughed kindly about it too, as did i -- just too true.

goes on to say that i might look into psychology
and yes, i have been greatly interested in that field :)
as well as philosophy, and was told to look into more 'alternative therapy' stuff
like essentially, the line of work lady-psychic is in
apparently i'm particularly empathetic towards people, feelings is my thing it seems ;)
can't argue there as i do love to be the person people come to talk to about their problems and i deeply want to help as much as i can and help 'heal' them
[ i was told i would be a good healer too! ]

then it got to the 'exciting' stuff like love :P
as it turns out, i might just end up marrying … and i always said i wouldn't
my mum will love telling me this, haha.
well, luckily for me this person to enter my life will be perfect for me
c'mon! what's more to say? except i'd be married that one time and we'll have 3 kids!
this is the type of thing that also makes me cry-laugh.

and lastly, we reach the point of past lives
i might have died in a fire, leaving behind 2 sons at that!
lady-psychic tells me i should consider a trip to San Fransico
it could bring back memories, make me feel all teary but released
and one day, if i get into a career of a counsellor [ which pays good, or so i'm told ]
i'll be able to go there, with my 'other' and buy all those pretty lacy dresses i so love
but try to deny myself, which ties back to my past life because it was around the time of beautiful lace and dresses and such … that made me go OMG.

SO, that pretty much sums it up!
lady-psychic also tells me to look into meditation and shiatsu.
there was a book she mentions but i've totally forgotten :(
but not to worry, so long as i get my mind-body-soul love then i'll be fine.
all in all, i will be just fine.
OH!
and career wise, yes, i am on the right track!

xo

-- lidia.

a little willowy.

listening to: Bat For Lashes - Seal Jubilee

no time getting all sentimental these days

currently in Melbourne for my grandmothers passing away

was feeling sickly travelling in the car all the way here

feeling highly selfish because i needed some medical attention

so, it's been a strange-crazy start for the year.

trying to get back to updating this a little more often

and perhaps not neglecting this place too much

also, thinking about picking up a pen and drawing

got all the ideas there, the materials …

just never know where to start though :\

hope you lot have been better.

xo

--lidia.

` Music && Soul v.68; The Pierces

Album Cover: The Pierces - Thirteen Tales of Love and Revenge

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Song Lyrics: The Pierces - Sticks & Stones

Hey, domino

I am keeping you from falling

1, 2, 3 - Don't you dare go down

Hey, waterfall

Oh, can you hear me calling?

3, 2, 1 - Don't you dare touch the ground

[Bridge]:

I'm the one you want

I'm the one you want

I'm the one you want

I'm the one you want

[Chorus]:

Sticks and stones will break you bones

And leave you lying in the mud

But you get scared when we're alone

Like I might suck your blood

And I could tell you a witch's spell

But it just might blow your top

And you start to run just as I'm having fun

And it's awfully hard to stop

[It's awfully hard to stop]

Sun in the sky

I am stopping you from burning

All we need is stars and moon

Clock on the wall

I will keep your hands from turning

Or this night will end too soon

[Repeat bridge & chorus]

It's just too hard to stop

I call thee, beloved one

To love me more than anyone

Seven times I pierce my heart

And now you feel the magic start

Bind thy heart and soul to me

As I do will

So let it be

Oh

Hey, loverboy

Oh, now do you believe me?

That's not all that I can do

Sit back down

I'm afraid we won't be leaving

Can't undo my spell on you

[Repeat bridge x2]

(I'm the one you want)

[Repeat chorus x2]

It's just too hard to stop

I don't think I can stop

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

` Inevitable facts of fate.

Feeling: n/a

Consuming: varied

Listening to: "37 mm" - AFI

˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚

lovelies&darlings~

i'm quite nearing my end of course for college/TAFE.

and completely behind :\ which is never good.

it would definitely help if I had my own A3 printer,

but they're awfully expensive, and much too large.

i'd love to be able to have more time off

but i'm afraid my parents will not allow this

thus i am to continue study, or better yet

find a proper job i may call my career

under Graphic Designer.

this only worries me as all this "study"

has gotten me entirely exhausted and rather

bored and twitchy, and other assorted things.

it would be nice to get away from it all.

i can only hope though … and perhaps pray.

wish me luck!

i'll be needing it dearly.

xo

--lidia.

` Music && Soul v.67; Bat For Lashes

Album Cover: Bat For Lashes - Daniel

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Song Lyrics: Bat For Lashes - Daniel

Daniel, when I first saw you

I knew that you had a flame in your heart

And under our blue skies

Marble movie skies

I found a home in your eyes

We'll never be apart

And when the fires came

The smell of cinders and rain

Perfumed almost everything

We laughed and laughed and laughed

And in the golden blue

Crying took me to the darkest place

And you have set fire to my heart

[Chorus]:

When I run in the dark, Daniel

To a place that's vast, Daniel

Under a sheet of rain in my heart

Daniel, I dream of home

But in a good-bye bed

With my arms around your neck

Into our love the tears crept

Just catch in the eye of the storm

And as my heart ran round

My dreams pulled me from the ground

Forever to search for the flame

For home again, for home again

[Repeat chorus]

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

` Up catching

Mood: moody

Consuming: Glacéau VitaminWater Triple-X
Hearing: "Fag Hag" - Lily Allen
------------------

lovelies~~

My first week of college/TAFE break is almost over.

Just one more week left of it, and no .. I have not done anything yet.

Been house-sitting and looking after my brother, although old enough, does still need some looking after because he lacks etiquette.

Hmm.

Much more lethargic; sleeping in till almost 5p.m.

In a way it's good I'm catching up on my sleep, bad because I wake up feeling more tired than

usual, which is never a good sign.

I suppose I'll live long, unless I really pick up smoking.

But I've been an odd smoker since the beginning and haven't picked up a cigerette in almost about 6 months, and honestly, I can not smoke for the rest of my life but I choose to do it. :)

Like I said

, odd.

Been anticipating to watch all these new movies, that won't come out here in Aus till very late.

It's quite a shame, because I'll most likely DL all of them :S

Never a fan of the big screen .. strecthed images isn't my thing, sorry.

Just hope they

come out with more interesting movies however, as the films out as of late aren't appealing to me, or maybe I'm particularly picky these days.

Hmm.

Some good news.

Finally found some nice music in the form of Bat For Lashes and Lily Allen.

I'm quite excited with the former, being something new to my ears or at least, familiar in that it's sound I haven't heard in some time and fond of; something Björk-like.

She's is awesome, and Bat For Lashes is original herself but you definitely feel Björk's influence over her melodies and sounds and vocals.

Makes me a happy-chappy :)

But something that makes me happy+sad is Shiny Toy Guns'

Ghost Town music video clip.

The song its

elf is pretty epic and funky, but FAROUT the clip is just awful!

I was considering committing some crimes watching it .. because it was such a waste of a song!!

... I only hope STG make up for this.

*fingers crossed + much praying*

Moving along!

Haven't been writing much, or posting many nice pictures on deviantART.

All that's been up so far are haikus :\ and they're not that great.

... lots of neg

ativity towards my own works, huh.

ANYWAY.

I'm over it, and just want to get my head into a workin g-mode that it never gets into so that I may you know, somehow finish my unfinished projects for TAFE/college.

.. so help me.

------

FAMILY

------

That's right.

Family came down/up from Melb to do the traditional Chines

e cleaning-up tombstones.

Afterwards, some fun ensues & much catching up or at least, a little more chit-chatting than before and got to snap up some pics :)

--lidia.

` Music && Soul v.66; Bat For Lashes

Album Cover: Bat For Lashes - Fur and Gold

=============================================

Song Lyrics: Bat For Lashes - What's A Girl To Do?

We walked arm in arm

But I didn't feel his touch

A desire I'd first tried to hide

That tingling inside was gone

And when he asked me

'Do you still love me?'

I had to look away

I didn't want to tell him

That my heart grows colder with each day

[Chorus]:

When you love so long

That the thrill is gone

And your kisses at night

Are replaced with tears

And when your dreams are on

A train to train wreck town

Then I ask you now

What's a girl to do?

He said he'd take me away

That we'd work things out

I didn't want to tell him

But it was then I had to say

Over the times we've shared

It's all blackened out

And my bat lightning heart

Wants to fly away

[Repeat chorus]

What's a girl to do?

(Hah-haaah)

What's a girl to do?

(Hah-haaah)

What's a girl to do?

(Hah-haaah)

(Hah-haaah)

=============================================

` Music && Soul v.65; Priscilla Anh

=============================================

Video & Song Lyrics: Priscilla Anh - Willow (Weeping)

I fell in love with boy in bloom

I don't know why

But I felt like I could fly when he was near

If he only knew

I fell in love with hands on you

Slender sincere

How shy I disappear

Oh, he is dear

If he only knew

Will he see what's becoming of me

I'm a pedal

Will he please come and tend to me

I'm a willow, weeping, willow (0h, oh, oh)

Do you think that I am pretty

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't

Look at me

Tell me honestly (ee)

Will he see what's becoming of me

I'm a pedal

Will he please come and tend to me

I'm a willow, weeping, willow (0oh)

(Aaah, aaaaah, haahaaaaa)

Will he see what's becoming of me

I'm a pedal

Will he please come and tend to me

I'm a willow, weeping, willow (oh, oh, oh)

=============================================

Please note, just listening and writing what I think are the lyrics.

So it's either pedal or petal, I'm not too sure.

` Music && Soul v.64; Shiny Toy Guns

Album Cover: Shiny Toy Guns - We Are Pilots

=============================================

Song Lyrics: Shiny Toy Guns - Stripped

Come with me

Into the trees

We'll lay on the grass

And let the hours pass

Take my hand

Come back to the land

Let's get away

Just for one day

[Chorus]:

Let me see you stripped down to the bone

Let me hear you speaking just for me

Let me see you stripped down to the bone

Let me hear you crying just for me

Let me hear you make, decisions

Without your television

Let me hear you speaking just for me

[Ooh, Hooo]

Metropolis

Has nothing on this

You're breathing in fumes

I taste when we kiss

Take my hand

Come back to the land

Where everything's ours

For a few hours

[Ooh, Hooo .. Hoo]

[Repeat chorus]

 Let me hear you crying just for me

Let me hear you speaking just for me

Let me hear you crying just for me

Let my hear you speaking just for me

Let me hear you crying just for me

=============================================

Directed by Josh Harris starring Johnny Tomorrow & Clara Rica

` Who said I was gonna live it up? it's all BS.

Mood: Irritated

Chewing: Wrigley's Extra Peppermint

Listening to: Killing Heidi - I Am

----------

lovelies~

Guess my year didn't start off with much of a bang.

I'm currently healing from bruises to my arms, legs and head.

Though the legs are feeling normal, my head still feels slightly sore and my arms are still recovering, but then again, I got extra sores because of that injection my generation gets for free to prevent me from getting cervical cancer, I believe.

As for the reason my body is sore in the first place is another thing, and mostly due to me prefering to shower later and my dad making a bigger deal out of it, as per usual.

Mind you, I was trying to wash the plates as he pretty much, puched me all over like a punching bag of sorts, thus me trying to move away and stuff, leaving the water running costing him money :) life is a little grand that way, but just.

A few little things happened while I was away:

• Relatives from Melbourne, who hadn't visited since back in 1990-something, came to stay at my place for a week. The 2 older boys are near my age so yes, we get along well. Got royally annoyed to the shits by the youngest one though (3 boys in total).
• Had New Years celebrationing in the form of a family get-together @ my Grandma's. Took some shots then.
• Day after that, again, celebrated the new years at my Uncle's, who daughters - my cousins, one older than me and one younger - had the whole Guitar Hero set; which we played constantly until;
• my relatives from Melbourne (mentioned earlier) came by too.
• Also received my 2nd shot of that injection preventing me from cancer - my 3rd and final shot should take place some time in May.
• Paid for my school fees, but something went wrong so gotta sort that out tomorrow, fuck.
• Buying more books/design mags/receipe books to read & enjoy;
• Finally bought myself some closed-toe-wedged high heels, and they're like a metallic brown copper colour which looks of awesomeness :)
• Got myself pursuaded to join this wilderness society club donation thing, so now I'm getting $20 less every month which, my mum is super pissed about :D

And that, pretty much sums up what's been happening with me whilst I was away.

No, I haven't enjoyed myself much this start of the new year.

And not to mention, we're going to see a lot of Black Fridays.

&& if you're a believer, just because, we have about 3 years left before the world ends.

So, I'm REALLY NOT KEEN to keep continuing studies after I finish my final half of my course. 

Though, if the world doesn't end by 2012, I suppose I'll do a follow-up course of a 3rd year to get myself an Advanced Diploma, or maybe, try my luck at applying for a University course instead and wish me luck that I don't have to do more than 2 years.

FINGERS CROSSED!

... if I could find a site to upload a sound clip of my sighing by the time it gets to this line, that would be pretty cool, kthnxbye.

--lids.

` Music && Soul v.63; Finger Eleven

Album Cover: Finger Eleven - The Greyest of Blue Skies

=============================================

Song Lyrics: Finger Eleven - First Time

I have never thought

We were hanging on

But the fall looks very far

Staring at the ground

What flesh will do to you

Will do to me too

Be free and on your own

It's not that simple

It's not that simple

It's never that simple

[Chorus]:

It feels like the first time

That we've fallen behind

And we faltered too far down

No one can save us

It feels like the first time

And we're standing above them

And no one can touch us

The worst is over

The worst is over

I could say to you

A bitter word or two

There's no stopping now

Just get it out in the air

Heard it through the fog

And hurt by it all

I'd take it back today

But it's out of my hands

It's out of my hands

But it's out of my hands

[Repeat chorus]

Lost in the flim again

All the signs were showing

Watching a single frame

When the wind begins

You're never anywhere

'Cause you're caught in my weather

Caught in my weather, every time

Feels like the first time

We've fallen behind

No use is the other one to wait

But I can hold on

As sure as I'm strong

Get over the faithful yesterday

Yeah, day, yeah

[Repeat chorus x2]

The worst is over [x2]

=============================================

you should have aborted me.

i.

Last night

as I looked myself over

in the mirror

with my black eye makeup

running black tendrils down my cheeks

I was a classic case of

disaster and absolute disgrace.

ii.

In one moments thoughts

there I was, digging into my flesh trying

to cut out a poison

born in blood

but another thought enters

about my pre-cut nails, didn't seem

adequate to pierce through skin

-- finally a rational idea

if I may say so myself.

iii.

Tips of blades

frighten the cores of me

thus, that plan has backfired

before it began.

iv.

It is quite an amusing thing how

easily the heart and soul are crushed

and the mind so readily tricked to

falling into a state of darkness that

as quickly switched on as it is off, such like

the humble light bulb who can produce

brightness into a room while just as simply

banishing it's source and welcoming

overwhelming false night.

v.

I haven't felt very human in

a long while and

I'm quite daring to test

whats ever left of

my humanity--

perhaps I'll see you in Hell, daddy dearest.

vi.

Not that I'd enjoy your

very presence though

-- sorry for the wake up call.

vii.

But someone had to do it, its

what I'm made for, for

being the very thing

-- your catalyst of

disaster and absolute disgrace.

viii.

I'm no future of yours

I'm no saviour of yours

I am flesh of 

another with genetics of you

I am flawed remnants of you and

by your God, I wish to

rid of you.

ix.

Though, as you say

not so lightly

"I'm stupid", "puta"

"A piece of shit" and other

vulgar terminologies.

x.

Don't be too surprised when I

snap and beat you when you

are weak and a defenceless

sorry excuse of a being

like you have made me.

10.1.2009

L.

` Music && Soul v.62; Ladyhawke

Album Cover: Ladyhawke - Ladyhawke

=============================================

Song Lyrics: Ladyhawke - My Delirium

Late night, waiting by the phone

Tonight waiting for an answer

Heartbeat drumming double time

I need one more chance to be near you

[Bridge]:

Still hanging on (for what)

Can't operate (fired up)

I won't eat eat and I sleep for you yeah

Not rest till I (get through)

'Coz I'm holding out (for you)

Am I the only one who's insane

[Chorus]:

Hey, you're playing with my delirium

And the longer I wait the harder I'm gonna fall

Stop playing with my delirium

'Coz I'm outta my head and outta my self control

Still here in this quiet room

Deep in delusion sending my over

Outside watch the world go by

Inside time stands still as I wonder

[Repeat bridge & chorus]

(I won't eat eat and I sleep for you, yeah)

[Repeat chorus x2]

=============================================

` It takes two to tango.

Mood: Mopey + depressive
Eating: Artisse Organic Swiss Milk Chocolate
Now playing: avril lavigne - forgotten
via FoxyTunes
----------------

lovelies,

I haven't posted/updated this in a while.
My apologises.
I've been very consumed with getting TAFE/college projects done and all that, so being the extremely anxious/paranoid/hyperventilating person I am .. well, I hope you see why I haven't really come on here to remind myself about how much I'm behind.

I am currently enjoying my 2nd week of holidays!
As to why I'm so excited that now I have absolutely not much to do, I have no idea.
Because I have literally been, having not much to do.
I'm just at home, not doing anything .. productive, to the level I'm comfortable with anyway.
I have however, been trying to do something for my little forum home where a I decided to help out in the design section. Right up my alley.
Got like, one design up but am working on getting more into it .. soon, when I'm not so unwanting to do something :P

I'm still poor as ever.
That might just be because I've been purchasing so many books before I got into the holidays.
Bought myself THE saga: Twilight Saga, with all four books, hardcover + little box-shelf thing PLUS, I also got like these poster-postcard like cards of the cover pictures.
All for $120, @ QBD, the bookstore.
While before the 4th book came out, the 3 books cost like a near $80 without the hardcovers or any freebies at that! major score!

Anyway, I have been promised outings.
So hopefully all the plans made are not on a weekend, since work conveniently booked my entire weekend full of workings for the next 3 weeks.
Just lovely. [gag!]
The ones that are planned so far are all sounding good, as they fall on a weekday, meaning I'm free though still worried about the details about how and when I'll be getting home because I know with a group of people going, I'm sure we'll all be wanting to stay longer!!
My fingers are crossed for any further plans to happen, happen on a weekday as I'm free for sure those weekdays .. and hope I am called out a little more often.
I'm going to get so depressive if I stay inside my house anymore than I already am!!

There was a disagreement with a net buddy that I had hoped to meet up with.
We are currently not talking to each other and I feel like shit because it seems it's my fault, and I have to admit, it probably is.
But I am trying to better myself at presenting myself ... as it seems my 'friend' has misread some of my intentions and thinks I'm being a bitchy-bitch.
I realise not everyone can be your friend, but I get very anxious when people can and will blatantly say to me that they don't like me.
Being me, I get hurt too easily and thus, I am always trying to appeal to people which can sometimes backfire when I assume my course of behaviour around them is suddenly deemed 'erratic' for their tastes, but pretending to be happy isn't always easy.

MOVING ALONG!
I don't want to think too much about the net buddy situation.
It got me crying myself to sleep and woke up crying, got me writing a poem over it and still making me feel crappy till this day.
Just going to enjoy myself with my girls and friends :)
Wish me luck.

-- lids.

P.S: A little visual I took yesterday. It made me happy.

` Music && Soul v.61; Blood Red Shoes

Album Cover: Blood Red Shoes - Box of Secrets
=============================================
Song Lyrics: Blood Red Shoes - I Wish I Was Someone Better

[Verse 1] x2:
Made a mistake
I made a mistake
I wear the scars to show my shame

[Verse 2]:
What should I do?
What should I do?
When I'm the one who can't get through

[Verse 3]:
What should I do?
What should I do?
When I'm the one hey, I'm the one to blame

I (woo ooh oo)
Can't (woo ooh)
See (woo ooh)
Past (woo ooh oo)
This (woo ooh oo)
Chance (woo ooh oo)
For us to (woo ooh oo)
Reconcile these doubts! (woo ooh oo)
They've all (woo ooh oo)
Gone on (woo ooh oo)
For far too long (woo ooh oo)
Yeah it goes on and on and on and on (woo ooh oo)
On and on and on and on (woo ooh oo)

[Repeat verse 1, 2, 3]

Just (woo ooh oo)
Not (woo ooh oo)
Built (woo ooh oo)
For (woo ooh oo)
This (woo ooh oo)
Role (woo ooh oo)
And all the time (woo ooh oo)
Much better spent! (woo ooh oo)
But it all drags on for far too long (woo ooh oo)
And it drags on and on and on and on (woo ooh oo)
On and on and on and on (woo ooh oo)

[Repeat verse 1, 2, 3]

I wish I was someone better [x14]

Made a mistake [x16]

=============================================

` Crapolla and other such things.

Mood: somber

Eating: Confetteria Raffaello
Now playing: Blood Stain Child - Freedom
via FoxyTunes
----------------

darlings~~

I think I failed to note in previous entries that I changed the appearance of my desktop again.
It's a nice jade-ish green colour + black :) yay!

Isn't beautiful :') ??

Haha, anyway!
I'll be finishing my first half of my 2nd year by December 8th, and I'm seriously looking forward to it too much @____@ because I still have plenty of assignments to get completed beforehand.
This is bad because, knowing me, I will leave it till last minute and probably not get it finished in time and like, it'll be too late to hand in everything afterward then, since teachers would be on a holiday break too, thus I really need to get cracking!!
Aside from that, what else has happened?

• Cousin from Darwin has been staying at my house for about 3 days now. He will be staying for about 2 weeks in total, I believe.
• My parents have threatened me more about practicing driving.
• I'm at a critical low money-wise.
• Can't attend my friends' b'day outing due to random finish time that would probably end at like, midnight.
• Missed sleep again and stayed up all night but did nothing productive whatsoever.
• Trying to get my fringe working properly with that side-swoop ..?
• Posted some poem since in a long while on dA.
• Got some Bio-Oil to help reduce appearance of my stretch marks :D
• Hoping to meet up with a net-buddy with possible hook-up, lol - we shall see.

I think that's about it :)
Thank you for bothering to read/skip through down to this part - you're awesome!

--lidia.