` Funking it through: Life's getting a little more productive

Mood: Weird
Chewing: Extra Sweetmint gum
Listening to: Sleep - Garbage
==========================

darlings ~

On Thrusday, I officially travelled somewhere all by myself - fcuk yeah! So proud of myself :B
Yeah, on that same day it was the "enrolment day" or something rather .. catched the train @ 'round 9:33 AM and finally got there @ Hornsby around 10:55 AM .. yup, a long train ride indeed - and I had to swap trains! *even more proud + ego pumped up more*
The actual time set, in which we were to be there by, was 1 PM .. and well yeah, REAL early x_x so I walked around a little bit. Bought some strawberry, DingDong pocky and Meiji Black Chocolate a.k.a DARK CHOCOLATE, y-ummmmmmmmmm ~
I brought along some juice to enjoy and well .. sat there near a taxi lot and ate some chocolate and drank a bit of my juice .. oh! and I bought myself used books :O *le gasp* but they looked rather new-ish and in good condition.
So yeah, read both of the books .. one about Calligraphy .. and the other about the French diet xD oh do shut up, I HAVE gained weight and I wanted to look fabulous before my due date [3rd of July, my birth date .. ha!] and well, yeah .. not too successful with one of my resolutions!! Bah ~

Anyways, I get there at the right place .. like one person there for now, who later walked back out anyways and I was left to warm up in the building for about half an hour more till the room got flooded again.
A lady that worked there [I think] walks by, notices a little more than a few people there all just standing there and quickly checks to see what we're doing there and goes to call the Head Teacher, then he shows up and later confirms that the 'confirmed' date is NOT CONFIRMED for us who are 'supposedly' already enrolled [over the internet, apparently ..] but lucky for all of us there we needed to get TAFEcards anyways and got that done, and most of us also paid for the student association fee and so we got freebie bags!
And it's got nifty stuff in it *thumbs up* yesssssssssss ~
Oh yeah, and while I was way early to get there I already asked about how I was able to get my TAFEcard and concession card, got the concession fill-out but I'll only be able to return it after I get my TAFEcard "which should arrive in a few weeks time" from when I got my TAFEcard photo taken [I swear, I bet I looked like shit in it - fcuk!!] and yeah .. most of that sorted and pretty much just went home from there.

Today though, funny thing .. some days ago I was called in by one of my supervisors who asked if I could work from 7:45 AM - and why I agreed to that, ungodly hour, I have no idea at all .. must've been high or something - till '2:15 PM' [from what I heard] and I repeated that time and he says yes .. today I work and work, time flies [for once] and I go home @ 12:15 PM instead ... nice one Trevor!
So yes, I'm home early and nothing much to do now .. 'cept take a shower and later, eat dinner and wash up and go to sleep x_x yeah ~
BOREDness .. *zZzZzZzZz*

Haven't picked up anything yet, as in, language or instrument .. I'll have to work in that one x_x diet plan totally gone out the window .. pfft, didn't exist really.
Ummmm ~
Haven't drawn either .. though I said I would, but not in the mood still .. looking into buying a chic camera though. And a Polaroid camera too .. always wanted them but they're probably going to be hella expensive shizzle.
For now I think I'll invest in that chic camera, save up for fees or something for TAFE [yeah, I'm in and the actual date to be there is the 16th of July, 2007 in which we will be notified (beforehand I hope) by letter] and then also look into buying a guitar and books on learning that .. and when I'm that bored I'll look into Mandarin and Japanese .. but out of all the things I need to keep up to date is my art.
I really need to learn how to make those cool looking artworks [and hoping TAFE will be able to help in that section] .. oh! and get more music xD

And that's about all for now!
Haha, thank you to anyone that bothered to read all of this/that @_@ yeah ..

TC.P&L
lidia

` TAFEcardsCONCESSIONScentrelinkNERVOUSparanoia

Mood: Nervous & randomly
Chewing: Extra Sweetmint gum
Listening to: Garbage - The World Is Not Enough
======================================

darlings ~

So, I said in my previous entry that I'll tell you all why I didn't want to mention any of the new things happening for me.
Well, tonight I think it's just about right I mention that something - not too into the details yet but eh.
On Thursday I'll need to be at Hornsby for enrollment day! I'm hella nervous though .. I think I have to get there myself [and note, Hornsby is extremely far from where I am and will take almost an hour to get there by train x_x] and then I'll have to hang around with people I have never met before, and some of those people I might have class with, and then I'll have to remember to get ask about TAFEcards and concession cards, and get the proper details on how many hours I'm doing for my course - yes, I did make the cut, so that's why I need to enroll and yeah, I don't have to worry about losing my place since I payed first then enrolled and all - and make sure I have some sort of copy for it for Centrelink, all the while remembering how to get there and on time, and ask around about where I'm suppose to go.
Hella hectik too, basically. And not in the excited way .. like, paranoia-stressed type of way T_T

Wish me luck, pray that I don't make a fool of myself and that I won't feel so jittery and nervous on that day. Tomorrow is Wednesdays .. and I got work [as usual] and today at work though, my manager does know now that I made it and she doesn't seem too happy xD since I'm the only one that's usually willing to work and/or is the only one that can work on certain days.
Anyways, so yeah .. not the entire thing/event talked about but most of it has been revealed and err, thanks for reading ;P

TC.P&L
lidia

` Music && Soul v.20

Album Cover: Garbage - The World Is Not Enough
=============================================

Song Lyrics: Garbage - The World Is Not Enough

I know how to hurt
I know how to heal
I know what to show
And what to conceal
I know when to talk
And I know when to touch
No one ever died from wanting too much

[Chorus]:
The world is not enough
But it is such a perfect place to start, my love
And if you're strong enough
Together we can take the world apart, my love

People like us
Know how to survive
There's no point in living
If you can't feel alive
We know when to kiss
And we know when to kill
If we can't have it all
Then nobody will

[Repeat chorus]

I feel safe
I feel scared
I feel ready
And yet unprepared

[Repeat chorus]

The world is not enough
The world is not enough
No, nowhere near enough
The world is not enough

=============================================

` Music && Soul v.19

Album Cover: The GazettE - Nil
=============================================

Song Lyrics: Gazette - Taion

A wintry sky and the broken streetlight cold wind
Unknown shadow the footprint of desertion
Freedom was taken

If it wakes up a gloomy ceiling
A laughing voice sinks in the eardrum it is soiled
And the violence rapes me
Rapes me, rapes me

An understanding is impossible
Why was I chosen? Someone should answer ...

Douka hidoi yume da to kotaete hoshii
Dore dake sakebi modae kurushimeba ii
Douka hidoi yume da to oshiete hoshii
Chigiresou na koe de nandomo sakenada[o]

There is no head of preparing of the disordered hair
A laughing voice sinks in the eardrum
A faint temperature is mixed in the midwinter

Koe wo koroshite karesou na jibun ni iikikasete ita
Ikuiru koto wo miushinawanu you
Koe wo koroshite furueta yoru wa itami ni oborete iku
Togiresou na iki wo yurushite

Douka hidoi yume da to kotaete hoshii
Dore dake sakebi modae kurushimeba ii
Douka hidoi yume da to oshiete hoshii
Saigo ni mou ichido dake waratte mitai

=============================================

` A quickie *wiggles eyebrows* lol ..

Mood: PMSing but rather content
Eating: nothing, I feel bloated
Listening to: the tap-tap of the keyboard keys
=====================================

darlings, random-osity ensues ~

Just a quickie, I realise I haven't posted anything in here .. in a while, actually, but I have my reasons!
Soon, all will be revealed once I get through the TAFE system thingo and have my application confirmed once and for all, THEN I can announce my massive news.
I've got work today .. though I had to cancel Monday and Thursday for the following week .. reasons to be said when all things are confirmed. But yeah, been working a lot and getting quite a lot of money then usual because of it, so .. all is good, 'cept when I get neck pains and all.
I think I need to wear those braces' or something .. to keep my neck straight, you know?

Moving along, don't have much time on here.
Today, I also get my periods 8D!! Strange .. because I think it's a little later than usual, since I felt all the sickness and pain a while ago and after a few days later, then I get my raggs.
Bleh.
My brain just blanked on me so I'll just finish up here.
Thanks to those that actually read these ~

xox Lids

` To my daddy dearest: Another one ..

Mood: Feeling crappy, thanks a lot Dad
Chewing: Extra Peppermint gum
Listening to: my Dad bitching, ranting, PMSing, etc ..
=========================================

darlings, bitching/ranting ensues ~

.. I'll try to keep this short: LALALALALALALALALA, fcuking SHUT UP already DAD!
Farout, that man can talk and talk, and even if you aren't paying attention at all he'll still talk and think you're listening! WTF?!
It's no wonder I used to whine a lot as a kid, his whining got suppressed and later transferred into me .. shiiiiite.
Oh, and great news [no, I'm just being a sarcasitc bitch] .. because of my younger brother who DOES have a longer leash than me, is now putting angry feelings towards my dad and now his complaining to me about everything: from school, to Uni, to work, to life, to his life, to how shit his life was, more about him him him and him.

You're probably saying, why don't you just upside the mother fucker [wow, an actual pun .. lol] - oh yeah, he used to be abusive *rolls eyes* 'used to' he says .. I'd say he still is, maybe not physically yeah but verbally - hell yeah! He'll resort back to physically being abusive if I ever try to talk back anyways .. I'm the kid, I don't know any better and even if I did it was ALL because of my friends' fault.
Fcuk, maybe waaaaaaaaaaay back when I really was just a kid but now .. if I don't like what the girls are doing and/or I just don't wanna do/be with them at certain times, hey I'm free to do what I want when I want - hell, I do NOT follow them.
Hang around, fine - but 'follow' them, I don't think so bud.
I CAN go to my own places and do my own things, but no matter what he'll still blame them even though it's been like 3 months or so that I haven't seen them, or talked to them [minus Anny, 'cause we just talk about events that happened to her and in no way does it lead to any of us trying to convince whoever to go wherever] and FUCKING HELL, it's bloody annoying!!

He doesn't get it.
I swear he doesn't - it's not the end of the world for me, and it isn't for you yet so shut your trap and give a damn about the REAL important things, and stop whining and bitching and just move on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He can still go to school for all I know, but nooooo .. he doesn't speak English properly and his back hurts - shit! There was a frickin' 80 y.o who still went to Uni and only graduated then.
Seriously, I can still go to Uni just it'll be later .. and fcuk, every time he complains and bitches or just lets hid mouth fly, I really DO want to be in Uni and just some place where I'm learning again.
But I'm still waiting to hear back from TAFE [they still haven't sent that stupid letter] and farout, if I don't make it this year I'm not suppose to learn anymore he says, just work he says.
SO MUCH FOR THE SUPPORT, DAD! You lying asshole.

Well, I hope you people that read these have had a better day.

TC.P&L
lidia

P.S: Funnily, my mum and I were watching this ad last night [I think] and my dad just happens to miss it .. just like him.

Premier site featuring the ad: NAPCAN: Children See, Children Do
I'd say it's one of the most powerful ad's I've seen yet, along with the no smoking ad where the man is been effecting by stroke, he can't move much at all just his eyes tells the story about how much he wanted to say sorry to his wife and kids .. but yeah, the one I saw with my mum definitely hits number one on the most effective and most powerful ad I've ever seen thus far.

` Music && Soul v.18

Album Cover: Kidneythieves - Trickstereprocess
=============================================

Song Lyrics: Kidneythieves - Veteran

[The world gets smaller
My heart beats bigger
The world gets smaller
You might be bigger
But I'm much smarter
My heart beats bigger
And the world gets smaller]

What don't kill you lets you live
To remember what it did
I'm a bit relieved you're still the same
'Cause there's no illusion you've changed

Now, it's all over
I see now
I'm a veteran of things
I don't want to be

And the more I learn
The less I know
And the deeper it feels
The less it shows
There was a time and a day
When I didn't think I would be here

But now, it's all over
I see now
I'm a veteran of things
I don't want to be
I've been down
And it's over
'Cause I see now
I'm a veteran of things
I don't want to be

[The world gets smaller
My heart beats bigger
The world gets smaller
You might be bigger
But I'm much smarter
My heart beats bigger
And the world gets smaller]

My heart beats bigger
And the world gets smaller

Now that it's over
I see now
I'm a veteran of things
I don't want to be
Get down, and it's over
'Cause I see now
I'm a veteran of things
I don't want to be

I don't want to be

=============================================

` Indecisiveness, Ranting, Bitching, Ranting, Bitching, etc ..

Mood: Sobering up after feeling crap
Chewing: on Extra Peppermint gum
Listening to: nothing, it'll wreck my train of thought
=======================================

greetings darlings ~

As of this moment, I'm not too happy.
Strange though since I got out of having to wash the dishes, has a pretty decent lengthed shower [though the water went cold a little at times] .. mind you, after showering I'm usually very ecstatic and hyper, and whatnot.

One thing that isn't making me too happy, is that deviantART is still on maintenance .. meaning I can't log on to my account there .. and I'm only able to 'read' what's being shown on the front page - i.e: popular, print & daily deviation - but that's alright, considering that I got the chance to read one the DD [daily deviations], a literature prose, written by an 8th grader - You heard right .. an eighth grader.
So surprised as most of the people that were able to comment, that such a young person was able to write such an in-depth piece of writing, and to be honest .. if I were more myself, I would've been wiping away the salty water from which it burst from my eye's flood gates.
I had to put in a few words on that because .. I dunno, I've gotten in that strange mood .. in the zone but on a more melancholy level.
So without further adieu: When Your Heart Stops Beating - it's a pretty, bloody brilliant piece of work for someone that young .. though I am a little concerned about being that receptive to such emotion at that time in their life, but I suppose it is for the better .. hence they are able to deal with it better in the future and have more of an understanding when those emotions are replayed and such.
Heh .. we're pretty damned indecisive, alright.
Oh well, that's human kind for ya .. *dramatic rolling of the eyes and the infamous 'le sigh'*

I'm also pretty bummed that I haven't heard from TAFE as of yet .. since the date in which I will do the entrance test is tomorrow, IF I've actually made it through the assessment of my application.
Though I'm not sure, through them having not contacted me this far into the month already, if that means I didn't make it in, if they haven't been able to contact me, and if I didn't make it in did I at least make it into Make-Up Services?
So many questions .. with so little answers - and I'll only get them tomorrow morning around 8 AM - my last chance.
If I don't get in into either courses .. I'm doomed - literally doomed.
For some of you who aren't familiar with asian families, more specifically, my asian family .. I'm pretty much a huge disappointment since I didn't make it into University, a bigger failure since I didn't even bother with TAFE in the first semester [only 'cause they were bugging me, and bugging me .. and well, they way I tolerate it all is by doing the complete opposite of them wanting me to get into 'schooling' and just not be bothered with it all 8D] .. BUT, big mistake!
Now they're busting my balls - if I don't make the second semester, I'll be working the rest of my life at bloody Franklins .. serving customers and greeting them with less than happy smiles that are oh-so fake.
Forget studying the year later 8D! Or don't, and find a way to pay up fees and taking myself to work .. when I've yet to learn how to catch a bus to my work place and back home, ON time.
Farout .. talk about 'no pressure' .. seriously, to parents it's the end of the world .. they don't see it that I could study later in Uni when I'm 21 years of age .. no, they disapprove of that altogether.
No such thing as a second chance for me .. oh! but wait - we're they're so-called second chance in this day and age of society - bloody, damned hypocrites, I'd say!

Moving along, I don't like re-reading this later and just see 'bitching bitching bitching' non-stop.
So in other news .. I still feel crap, I'm agitated .. irritated easily, a damned nervous wreck .. along with a rambling wreck, a disaster, a failure and utmost disappointment and shame upon my family.
Oh, add to that my young years of childhood was full of teasing and all-round stupidity, annoying fuck-heads of kids .. more stupidity, misunderstanding, feeling of emptiness and surprisingly, still till this day .. the same! Ha! Who would've thought?!
If I didn't have my head just slightly screwed on just a tiny little bit, expect me to have imploded a long, long time ago.
Am I afraid of my sanity - every little fucking bit, yes.

.. I don't really know how long this entry will go for, and for that matter, I don't really care.
But I'll have to admit, I do care how many people choose to read this .. it's funny, you know?
Like, as cliché as it may sound and all, I tend to not show that I'm vulnerable, that yeah .. I'm fine, but only on the outside, because I get enough people telling me how much I care too much with my exterior.
Heck, I don't worrying people because I know, like the rest of us, worrying is no good and it's certainly not a nice feeling to feel.
However .. one can't deny it when they do want support, to be told it's alright and feel as if everything is alright .. to have people hold me and say it's O.K, to just let out everything I've kept bottled up inside me ready to explode - it's crazy!
Truth is .. I much prefer the subtle approach on showing emotion, as hard as I try not to go back on my words when I just let it all out crying in front of people due my ultra-sensitiveness .. but still, I want people to take notice.
I know, it's down right selfish and I'm not ashamed to admit that I am pretty vain, and selfish .. I don't usually care what others think of that, but seriously .. it does hurt every now and then.
Like I always say, one can only take on so much before they break .. and it's so true.

Whatever the case .. I'm just at my wits really.
I need a lot of reassurance as of tomorrow .. and if I don't get the news I'm hoping for .. looks like I will go back on my words of not showing too much emotion.
I'll down right cry my eyes out, whether anyone likes it or not - I don't care.
Hoping and praying does little, having faith .. well, you can only hold onto that for a small while anyways .. and just believing, doesn't do much unless there's action.
Still .. I'm holding on .. it's the best I can do for now .. in this sort of circumstance, just holding on.
And, just holding on to what's ever left of my sanity .. the little part of me that's still me, enough.
I'm tired .. hoping that reading some ga-ga love stories for the little girls inside of us, as well as the grown women .. hope that it helps calm me down a bit and just ease up, fret less, stress less, etc etc.
Just praying that my prayers are answered and get that phone call accepting me into the schooling system again, and well .. accepting me, I guess.
Keep believing I'll get in and ring up to make sure I do .. even if I don't, I just need that closure.
And always .. just, holding on.

TC.P&L
lidia

` List me

Mood: Lively, surprisingly
Chewing: on Extra Sweetmint gum
Listening to: Deep Forest - "Sweet Lullaby"
=================================

greetings darlings ~

Aahh ..! Finally, this week's worth of work is finished!! *celebration!*
Only that next week it's pretty much the same .. with 4 days, 3 days if my work place called someone to fill in my Thursday shift, because I got that TAFE letter telling me about a test I'd have to sit, if I was success with my application, and finish off the 'second part of the application'.
Oh, and they'll let me know by phone - NOTE: I HATE talking on the phone, absolutely LOATHE it - and let me know what time it is, where it is, what I'll need to bring with me (pray that it isn't a damned portfolio since I do NOT have such a thing with me >_>") .. oh, but I won't know WHAT I'll be doing just yet.
No pressure? My ASS no pressure .. I HATE tests too. I get all nervous and paranoid .. and too much thinking about that when I should be concentrating on the test and BLAM! fail, desu ..
*kills over* Well .. at least I don't need to get a certificate four before applying for a diploma like at Nepean .. the place I applied at, Hornsby, is rather far .. but all I needed was proof of my HSC results with a genuine certificate, follow the requirements which was to have 3 rough sketches and one actual proper design poster .. and sit the test, IF my application was successful .. if not, then I'll be doing Make-Up Services - not too bad really, it'll be different and interesting - just, IF I even get into that course too x_x hmmm .. so yeah, I'm stressing like hell, alright.

And it shows .. been uploading a little too much on dA, though .. my stuff are totally going off topic and into my non-exist love life? Greaaaaaaat ..
Ain't life just grand 8D? Oh .. it drips of sarcasm.

Oh! Today after my morning shift, and last shift this week .. I went back out .. to Bonny Plaza 8D to Big W, to be exact .. and saw Chris, was laughing to myself and quickly walked off before I got noticed because well .. pfft, I looked like shite! So yeah ;P
So yeah, I wanted to buy some books to read at home, since I'm all out of new stuff .. when I get into a book I tend to read it until I can't stay up any longer: i.e - I can't stay awake no more / my parents told me to go to sleep :x lols ~
Heh .. I DID get my books [like a LOT of books, that cost me all up probably $20 worth], and got myself a plushie PANDA!!! fcuk yeah! plus Eeyore ^.^ 'cause I luff him .. and black flat ballet shoes - bonus: they charged me extra so I went for to get the money they owed me and I had to return a book, because it cost me WAY too much [total originally was $81 x_x!! WTF?! I know ..] so yeah .. got about $33 back *phew* so about $46 something worth of things I bought *wink wink* see, that amount don't look too bad then :)
Now .. if my fake iPod don't work tonight .. or I decide to read the books [which I probably will] and leave my iPod to charge up as much as it can .. I will have something to do until I get tired enough to sleep.
Yeah, I have difficultly sleeping these days .. 'specially now it's winter! *woot, dances* .. time for nice, warm jackets and all that >:3 I will get my trench coat someday!!
But I miss Autumn .. good thing that the trees turn slowly :D yay! Still get to witness the changing colour of the leaves, and the lovely Autumness basically xD
OH! One more thing I was ABOUT TO BUY was a skateboard 8B you heard right, folks .. a skateboard.
It's on my to-do and to-get lists ;P
Get a guitar and learn it, get skateboard and learn that .. learn French, Japanese and re-learn Mandarin and Spanish ^_^; heh .. GET SLIM, 'cause I've put on some .. really o_o! [and I was successful that I haven't eaten chocolate all day ;D yay for me .. only 30 more days to resist it, and no junk food .. no sugar .. till my b'day when I SHOULD be slimmer .. hopefully =.="] and errr .. learn my keyboard again some other time xD been neglecting that for a long while now .. don't want my parents money going down the drain ;_; so yeah .. my list, desu ~

NOW, I'm finished with whats happened .. haha ~
Thanks for wasting your time with me!

TC.P&L
lidia