Chewing: on Extra Peppermint gum
Listening to: nothing, it'll wreck my train of thought
=======================================
greetings darlings ~
As of this moment, I'm not too happy.
Strange though since I got out of having to wash the dishes, has a pretty decent lengthed shower [though the water went cold a little at times] .. mind you, after showering I'm usually very ecstatic and hyper, and whatnot.
One thing that isn't making me too happy, is that deviantART is still on maintenance .. meaning I can't log on to my account there .. and I'm only able to 'read' what's being shown on the front page - i.e: popular, print & daily deviation - but that's alright, considering that I got the chance to read one the DD [daily deviations], a literature prose, written by an 8th grader - You heard right .. an eighth grader.
So surprised as most of the people that were able to comment, that such a young person was able to write such an in-depth piece of writing, and to be honest .. if I were more myself, I would've been wiping away the salty water from which it burst from my eye's flood gates.
I had to put in a few words on that because .. I dunno, I've gotten in that strange mood .. in the zone but on a more melancholy level.
So without further adieu: When Your Heart Stops Beating - it's a pretty, bloody brilliant piece of work for someone that young .. though I am a little concerned about being that receptive to such emotion at that time in their life, but I suppose it is for the better .. hence they are able to deal with it better in the future and have more of an understanding when those emotions are replayed and such.
Heh .. we're pretty damned indecisive, alright.
Oh well, that's human kind for ya .. *dramatic rolling of the eyes and the infamous 'le sigh'*
I'm also pretty bummed that I haven't heard from TAFE as of yet .. since the date in which I will do the entrance test is tomorrow, IF I've actually made it through the assessment of my application.
Though I'm not sure, through them having not contacted me this far into the month already, if that means I didn't make it in, if they haven't been able to contact me, and if I didn't make it in did I at least make it into Make-Up Services?
So many questions .. with so little answers - and I'll only get them tomorrow morning around 8 AM - my last chance.
If I don't get in into either courses .. I'm doomed - literally doomed.
For some of you who aren't familiar with asian families, more specifically, my asian family .. I'm pretty much a huge disappointment since I didn't make it into University, a bigger failure since I didn't even bother with TAFE in the first semester [only 'cause they were bugging me, and bugging me .. and well, they way I tolerate it all is by doing the complete opposite of them wanting me to get into 'schooling' and just not be bothered with it all 8D] .. BUT, big mistake!
Now they're busting my balls - if I don't make the second semester, I'll be working the rest of my life at bloody Franklins .. serving customers and greeting them with less than happy smiles that are oh-so fake.
Forget studying the year later 8D! Or don't, and find a way to pay up fees and taking myself to work .. when I've yet to learn how to catch a bus to my work place and back home, ON time.
Farout .. talk about 'no pressure' .. seriously, to parents it's the end of the world .. they don't see it that I could study later in Uni when I'm 21 years of age .. no, they disapprove of that altogether.
No such thing as a second chance for me .. oh! but wait - we're they're so-called second chance in this day and age of society - bloody, damned hypocrites, I'd say!
Moving along, I don't like re-reading this later and just see 'bitching bitching bitching' non-stop.
So in other news .. I still feel crap, I'm agitated .. irritated easily, a damned nervous wreck .. along with a rambling wreck, a disaster, a failure and utmost disappointment and shame upon my family.
Oh, add to that my young years of childhood was full of teasing and all-round stupidity, annoying fuck-heads of kids .. more stupidity, misunderstanding, feeling of emptiness and surprisingly, still till this day .. the same! Ha! Who would've thought?!
If I didn't have my head just slightly screwed on just a tiny little bit, expect me to have imploded a long, long time ago.
Am I afraid of my sanity - every little fucking bit, yes.
.. I don't really know how long this entry will go for, and for that matter, I don't really care.
But I'll have to admit, I do care how many people choose to read this .. it's funny, you know?
Like, as cliché as it may sound and all, I tend to not show that I'm vulnerable, that yeah .. I'm fine, but only on the outside, because I get enough people telling me how much I care too much with my exterior.
Heck, I don't worrying people because I know, like the rest of us, worrying is no good and it's certainly not a nice feeling to feel.
However .. one can't deny it when they do want support, to be told it's alright and feel as if everything is alright .. to have people hold me and say it's O.K, to just let out everything I've kept bottled up inside me ready to explode - it's crazy!
Truth is .. I much prefer the subtle approach on showing emotion, as hard as I try not to go back on my words when I just let it all out crying in front of people due my ultra-sensitiveness .. but still, I want people to take notice.
I know, it's down right selfish and I'm not ashamed to admit that I am pretty vain, and selfish .. I don't usually care what others think of that, but seriously .. it does hurt every now and then.
Like I always say, one can only take on so much before they break .. and it's so true.
Whatever the case .. I'm just at my wits really.
I need a lot of reassurance as of tomorrow .. and if I don't get the news I'm hoping for .. looks like I will go back on my words of not showing too much emotion.
I'll down right cry my eyes out, whether anyone likes it or not - I don't care.
Hoping and praying does little, having faith .. well, you can only hold onto that for a small while anyways .. and just believing, doesn't do much unless there's action.
Still .. I'm holding on .. it's the best I can do for now .. in this sort of circumstance, just holding on.
And, just holding on to what's ever left of my sanity .. the little part of me that's still me, enough.
I'm tired .. hoping that reading some ga-ga love stories for the little girls inside of us, as well as the grown women .. hope that it helps calm me down a bit and just ease up, fret less, stress less, etc etc.
Just praying that my prayers are answered and get that phone call accepting me into the schooling system again, and well .. accepting me, I guess.
Keep believing I'll get in and ring up to make sure I do .. even if I don't, I just need that closure.
And always .. just, holding on.
TC.P&L
lidia
As of this moment, I'm not too happy.
Strange though since I got out of having to wash the dishes, has a pretty decent lengthed shower [though the water went cold a little at times] .. mind you, after showering I'm usually very ecstatic and hyper, and whatnot.
One thing that isn't making me too happy, is that deviantART is still on maintenance .. meaning I can't log on to my account there .. and I'm only able to 'read' what's being shown on the front page - i.e: popular, print & daily deviation - but that's alright, considering that I got the chance to read one the DD [daily deviations], a literature prose, written by an 8th grader - You heard right .. an eighth grader.
So surprised as most of the people that were able to comment, that such a young person was able to write such an in-depth piece of writing, and to be honest .. if I were more myself, I would've been wiping away the salty water from which it burst from my eye's flood gates.
I had to put in a few words on that because .. I dunno, I've gotten in that strange mood .. in the zone but on a more melancholy level.
So without further adieu: When Your Heart Stops Beating - it's a pretty, bloody brilliant piece of work for someone that young .. though I am a little concerned about being that receptive to such emotion at that time in their life, but I suppose it is for the better .. hence they are able to deal with it better in the future and have more of an understanding when those emotions are replayed and such.
Heh .. we're pretty damned indecisive, alright.
Oh well, that's human kind for ya .. *dramatic rolling of the eyes and the infamous 'le sigh'*
I'm also pretty bummed that I haven't heard from TAFE as of yet .. since the date in which I will do the entrance test is tomorrow, IF I've actually made it through the assessment of my application.
Though I'm not sure, through them having not contacted me this far into the month already, if that means I didn't make it in, if they haven't been able to contact me, and if I didn't make it in did I at least make it into Make-Up Services?
So many questions .. with so little answers - and I'll only get them tomorrow morning around 8 AM - my last chance.
If I don't get in into either courses .. I'm doomed - literally doomed.
For some of you who aren't familiar with asian families, more specifically, my asian family .. I'm pretty much a huge disappointment since I didn't make it into University, a bigger failure since I didn't even bother with TAFE in the first semester [only 'cause they were bugging me, and bugging me .. and well, they way I tolerate it all is by doing the complete opposite of them wanting me to get into 'schooling' and just not be bothered with it all 8D] .. BUT, big mistake!
Now they're busting my balls - if I don't make the second semester, I'll be working the rest of my life at bloody Franklins .. serving customers and greeting them with less than happy smiles that are oh-so fake.
Forget studying the year later 8D! Or don't, and find a way to pay up fees and taking myself to work .. when I've yet to learn how to catch a bus to my work place and back home, ON time.
Farout .. talk about 'no pressure' .. seriously, to parents it's the end of the world .. they don't see it that I could study later in Uni when I'm 21 years of age .. no, they disapprove of that altogether.
No such thing as a second chance for me .. oh! but wait - we're they're so-called second chance in this day and age of society - bloody, damned hypocrites, I'd say!
Moving along, I don't like re-reading this later and just see 'bitching bitching bitching' non-stop.
So in other news .. I still feel crap, I'm agitated .. irritated easily, a damned nervous wreck .. along with a rambling wreck, a disaster, a failure and utmost disappointment and shame upon my family.
Oh, add to that my young years of childhood was full of teasing and all-round stupidity, annoying fuck-heads of kids .. more stupidity, misunderstanding, feeling of emptiness and surprisingly, still till this day .. the same! Ha! Who would've thought?!
If I didn't have my head just slightly screwed on just a tiny little bit, expect me to have imploded a long, long time ago.
Am I afraid of my sanity - every little fucking bit, yes.
.. I don't really know how long this entry will go for, and for that matter, I don't really care.
But I'll have to admit, I do care how many people choose to read this .. it's funny, you know?
Like, as cliché as it may sound and all, I tend to not show that I'm vulnerable, that yeah .. I'm fine, but only on the outside, because I get enough people telling me how much I care too much with my exterior.
Heck, I don't worrying people because I know, like the rest of us, worrying is no good and it's certainly not a nice feeling to feel.
However .. one can't deny it when they do want support, to be told it's alright and feel as if everything is alright .. to have people hold me and say it's O.K, to just let out everything I've kept bottled up inside me ready to explode - it's crazy!
Truth is .. I much prefer the subtle approach on showing emotion, as hard as I try not to go back on my words when I just let it all out crying in front of people due my ultra-sensitiveness .. but still, I want people to take notice.
I know, it's down right selfish and I'm not ashamed to admit that I am pretty vain, and selfish .. I don't usually care what others think of that, but seriously .. it does hurt every now and then.
Like I always say, one can only take on so much before they break .. and it's so true.
Whatever the case .. I'm just at my wits really.
I need a lot of reassurance as of tomorrow .. and if I don't get the news I'm hoping for .. looks like I will go back on my words of not showing too much emotion.
I'll down right cry my eyes out, whether anyone likes it or not - I don't care.
Hoping and praying does little, having faith .. well, you can only hold onto that for a small while anyways .. and just believing, doesn't do much unless there's action.
Still .. I'm holding on .. it's the best I can do for now .. in this sort of circumstance, just holding on.
And, just holding on to what's ever left of my sanity .. the little part of me that's still me, enough.
I'm tired .. hoping that reading some ga-ga love stories for the little girls inside of us, as well as the grown women .. hope that it helps calm me down a bit and just ease up, fret less, stress less, etc etc.
Just praying that my prayers are answered and get that phone call accepting me into the schooling system again, and well .. accepting me, I guess.
Keep believing I'll get in and ring up to make sure I do .. even if I don't, I just need that closure.
And always .. just, holding on.
TC.P&L
lidia
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